In Monty Python’s Life of Brian, the eponymous hero exhorts the adoring Judean mob to think for themselves because “you are all individuals”. “We are all individuals” shout the mob in unison! Like the mob, we can easily ignore the fact that we all have different needs, aptitudes, inclinations and personalities as we follow the herd or try to mould others according to our preconceptions. I feel that it is imperative that we get to know ourselves as we make our way in the world so that we can grow to live in alignment with our unique disposition. There are a number of personality tests out there that can help us in this regard. I am a big fan of the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which is probably the best known of these instruments but, in my opinion, it is not simple to grasp without a fair bit of homework. A similarly powerful yet more intuitive and relatively straightforward schema is Tony Robbins’ six human needs framework. I have used this framework to understand my own aptitudes and those of the people I work with as part of a strengths-based approach to personal and organisational development.
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Tony Robbins has built on the work of John Burton and Abraham Maslow to develop human needs psychology. In essence, Robbins believes that everybody’s actions are driven by the need to fulfil one or more of six basic human needs. By definition, these are needs that we all share, but everybody is unique so we do not value all needs equally. Different people will emphasise different needs and this emphasis often shifts as we go through life.
The six fundamental human needs are as follows:

1. Certainty – that things will unfold as imagined.
2. Uncertainty – that life will serve up its share of variety.
3. Significance – the sense of being special or unique.
4. Love and connection – the feeling of togetherness or intimacy.
5. Growth – the feeling that we are making progress.
6. Contribution – that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. 

​I describe each of the needs in more detail below, including ways in which they can be met in healthy, neutral or unhealthy ways and some positive and negative personality traits that accompany each need.  I also provide details of a simple self-test that can be used to your pinpoint your human needs centre of gravity.

​Despite the exhortations of Bertrand Russell and Benjamin Franklin, everybody needs a level of certainty in their daily lives. If my next meal was not guaranteed I would probably not be writing this blog; if the ground beneath you started to shudder you would immediately stop reading this blog; and if heard that your significant other had been rushed to intensive care you would mostly likely drop everything and do whatever you could to try to help. All these situations threaten our sense of certainty, those things we take for granted that form the bedrock of our lives.

We all have the need for certainty but this need can be met in many different ways. Some feel they need a home to be certain, others need a million pounds to be certain, others may get their need for certainty by knowing that they always manage no matter what. We can meet our needs in positive, neutral or negative ways. For example, we can meet our need for certainty by feeling angry about world events which validates our belief system that the world sucks. Cigarettes, alcohol and drugs can be our faithful friends upon which we rely in times of struggle. Habitual actions like this meet our needs in the short term but have long term negative side-effects. We can meet our need for certainty by having faith in a something bigger than ourselves – God, the Universe, Nature, Justice, etc., or by exercising regularly or by a belief in our resourcefulness, all of which can be very positive ways of getting certain, assuming that our sense of certainty is not tainted by bigotry.
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People whose primary need is certainty are often highly organised, dependable and very knowledgeable in their chosen field. On the other hand, they can become stuck in their old routines, can be closed to new experiences, and may come across as unenthusiastic and boring.

​“Variety”, as the cliché goes, “is the spice of life” so a life of complete certainty hardly fires up the proverbial taste buds. Imagine you are a sports fan and you knew that your team was going to win every match and lift every single trophy they contested for the rest of your life. Initially, this would feel exhilarating but pretty soon you would begin to “tire of winning” to paraphrase a certain President Trump. So, we need a combination of certainty and uncertainty in our lives. Our need for both certainty and uncertainty explains why the standard Hollywood movie format is so popular and enduring. We are pretty certain that there will be a happy ending but we are uncertain about how the plot will unfold. We can get variety in positive ways such as by meeting new people, by taking on new challenges or by visiting new places. We can also meet this need in negative ways such as by taking new drugs, having multiple sexual encounters or by committing acts of violence.
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People whose primary need is uncertainty are often highly enthusiastic, spontaneous and love meeting new people and taking on new challenges. They can also be social butterflies flitting from person to person and relationship to relationship, become easily disillusioned, lose focus and quit before the job is done.

​The third human need is significance – that need to be, in José’s words, “a special one”. All of us want to be recognised for being special even if some of us protest this fact. One way to feel significant is by building something such as a business, a skill, a career, a philanthropic practice or a family. Another is by knocking down those who are trying to build something, either metaphorically through cynicism and negativity, or physically by attempting to damage or destroy people, property and nature. As Tony Robbins puts it “there are two ways to have the tallest building in town. One is work your ass off, take risks, build the tallest building. The other is, blow up everybody else’s building.” One path is easier, faster, cheaper and takes less intelligence. One is the path of the hero, the other is that of the victim. A third, and very common, way to feel significant is to have a significant problem. Problem sharing also builds connection. Some people are much more comfortable being around people who are feeling bad about themselves than being around people who are happy with their lives.

The need for significance has always been one of the main driving forces behind violence, mainly perpetrated by men. If a mugger puts a gun to your head they are certain that you will respond but uncertain of how and, in a heartbeat, they have become the most significant person in your life.

Although we all need significance, the need is usually greater in men than women. Men will die for significance which explains why almost all suicide bombers are men and why much greater numbers of men than women commit suicide when going through a financial crisis.

If we meet three of our needs in a single behaviour we may become addicted to that behaviour. Which explains why violence can become an addiction.
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People whose primary need is significance are often happy to take on leadership positions, will work hard to excel in their chosen field and can be fearless in the face of challenges. They can also be selfish and insensitive to the perspectives of others, and may neglect their nearest and dearest.

The fourth need is for love and connection. When we are afraid of love for fear of the pain of rejection, we settle for connection. Unless you are a highly developed soul, our hypothetical mugger is unlikely to be a recipient of our love as he puts a gun to our head, but he will be connected to us in the moment. So, violence can also meet the need for connection.

In a more everyday sense, when we are excited or agitated about something – we got that promotion, heard a juicy morsel of gossip, or experienced a life-changing event, what do we immediately want to do? Share the news with somebody. This is because we are social animals, even the most introverted among us.

Love and connection is often a dominant need in women. Men feel this too, but the bonds are innately stronger in the average women than the average man.
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People whose primary need is love and connection are often great team players, sensitive to the needs of others and supportive partners and parents. They can also be jealous, clingy and prone to neglecting their own legitimate needs.

The Greeks taught us that we are teleological beings, that is, we need targets – something ahead of us that we can aim for. We either grow or we shrink; staying still is not an option. Imagine you are perfectly content with your life as it is and you don’t want anything to change. Why is this an impossible dream? Because people become dissatisfied with stasis which is why retirement is a crisis for so many people. Unless they can invest themselves in a project, the newly retired person no longer has a goal that they are moving towards. This same phenomenon is exemplified in the numerous cases of Olympic gold medallists and other high level sports people who reach their goal only to fall into depression. It is pretty much universal that people are happy when they are making progress because it is the progress or growth that matters not the goal itself.

People whose primary need is growth are often great students and teachers, creative and innovative, and tenacious in pursuit of their goals. They also can become detached from others, intolerant of those perceived to be less accomplished, and prone to perfectionism.
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As a side note, perfectionism is widely thought to be a positive quality which it can be if it is defined as a commitment to high standards. However, if perfectionism means that everything we do always has to be all things to all people it becomes the lowest possible standard as we end up imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and everybody else. By this definition, perfectionism is a straightjacket and a sure fire way to succumb to a paralysing fear of failure which relegates us from a participant to a spectator in our game of life.

We all have a need to contribute, to step out of our own personal drama. Even young children feel a great sense of satisfaction when they contribute. There are countless examples of people being able to do much more in the service of others than one can do when serving only oneself – the meals we cook for ourselves are usually pretty uninspiring compared to those we serve up for others. An example from my life is doing everything I could to secure my children’s future when my wife was diagnosed with motor neurone disease – part love and connection, part contribution. On a grander scale, Nelson Mandela’s fortitude during his 27 years in captivity was bolstered by his vision of how he could contribute to a free South Africa. The secret to living is giving. How can you make this world a better place using your gifts and talents?

A focus on contribution is a great inoculation against the “Affluenza” virus , the obsession for wealth, fame, beauty, power and possessions that redirects our energies and passions away from meaningful pursuits.
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People whose primary need is contribution are often selfless leaders, inspirational speakers and are able to work tirelessly in pursuit of something they believe in. They can also be intolerant of other people’s perspectives, neglect their own physical and mental health and the needs of their family, and are prone to burnout.

Understanding our human needs helps us to know which needs we habitually meet, which needs are not being met, which needs we want more of, and conflicts and trade-offs between meeting some needs at the expense of others. This understanding also helps us in our relationships of all kinds as we become less judgemental by acquiring a fuller understanding of the factors that motivate other people’s aptitudes, attitudes and actions.

You can assess your human needs with this online test devised by Chloe Madanes who has worked extensively with Tony Robbins to advance the thinking in the field. The results include detailed information on how your primary need and top two needs can serve you or hold you back. You can take the same test in the old fashioned paper format by clicking on this link.
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For those of you who want to know, I scored highest in contribution closely followed by growth with significance and uncertainty tied for third place. love and connection a little behind, and certainty bringing up the rear. Like all self-assessments, the tacit assumption is that we know ourselves which is, of course, never 100% true but the simple test can give us a fair the forces that drive us.

I am a firm believer in self-help and the philosophy, mind, body and spirit books I have read over the years could fill the shelves of the personal development section of a medium-sized Waterstones. Nevertheless, I am uncomfortable with the self-help industry’s’ repeat billing formula; one that has a lot in common with the fitness and weight loss sectors – sectors which sustain themselves on failure. You know the syndrome: you buy the book, the DVD, the course and the all associated paraphernalia, begin the programme, abandon the programme, return to your rut, experience some kind of catalyst – a TV show, the Olympics, an encounter with the weighing scales, etc., and begin the whole self-defeating cycle all over again.

So why does self-help fail so consistently? I believe that most self-help leaders are sincere individuals who genuinely want to help so I don’t think the repeat billing model is deliberate in most cases. There are other reasons including becoming discouraged by slow progress, comparing yourself to others, and setting unrealistic goals. However, my focus here is, I believe, more fundamental – a fundamental flaw in self-help is the excessive emphasis on the self in the first place, an emphasis that can descend into self-absorption and narcissism.

Most people who have dipped their toes into the self-help waters will be aware of The Secret – available as a book, a movie and other spin-off products. The Secret’s author Rhonda Byrne claims to have brought to light the ‘law of attraction’ a secret hidden from the masses over the millennia that has inspired the success of the likes of Plato, Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, Beethoven, and Einstein. In a nutshell, the ‘law of attraction’ or ‘manifestation’ states that if you visualise your goal you will achieve it. OK there is a bit more to it than that and I for one believe in the power of manifestation but I do not believe that manifestation is as easy as The Secret appears to imply.

Byrne has recruited a veritable Who’s Who of self-help luminaries to testify about how they achieved wonderful relationships, perfect health, great wealth, palatial houses and a host of other objects of their desire through the law of attraction. To somewhat caricature the process, you can imagine manifestation as wishing for all the stuff you want in order to make you happy and then waiting for The Universe, which acts like a giant Argos store, to provide it for you – and without the need for in-store collection and self-assembly. All you need is a vision and an eternally optimistic outlook.

There are a number of flaws with this approach. Firstly more stuff, beyond a certain level does not make people proportionately happier. Instead it just fuels the ‘hedonic treadmill’ – our habit of shifting the aspirational goalposts once an object of our desires has been attained. As Shawn Achor explains in his brilliant TEDx Talk – The Happy Secret to Better Work ‘You got good grades, now you have to get better grades, you got into a good school and after you get into a better one, you got a good job, now you have to get a better job, you hit your sales target, we're going to change it.’ Bruce Springsteen succinctly summarises the ultimate futility of life on the hedonic treadmill in Badlands when he sings “Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king, And a king ain't satisfied, till he rules everything…”

Secondly, this emphasis on getting more and more stuff takes no account of the wishes of the other 7 billion plus inhabitants of our planet and even the planet itself. In the famous words of Mahatma Gandhi “The world has enough for everyone's need, but not enough for everyone's greed.” It is true that we can increase the production of goods and services and still reduce our impact on the planet by using resources more efficiently (so the proverbial cake can be expanded) but the earth’s cake is not infinitely expandable. 

Thirdly, The Secret fails to emphasise that we are social creatures - life is about we as well as me; and an emphasis on the self leaves us running the risk of excluding others from our life. We know from personal experience that helping others increases our happiness much more than pursuing a life of pure selfishness. 

This common sense observation that being of service enhances our quality of live is now backed up by a solid body of studies from the new science of behavioural economics which has demolished the myth, popularised by classic economists and their disciples (Margaret Thatcher springs to mind) who believe that most human interactions can be explained by ‘rational’ actions motivated by personal gain. The mantra of the bottom-liners is “everything must be paid for” and profit is their bottom line.

But with a more rounded understanding of people’s needs and motivations comes the realisation that the profit motive alone is never enough (as if it ever was). So individuals and businesses are increasingly incorporating people, purpose and planet into a quadruple bottom line. This does not diminish the importance of profit but rather it weaves it into a richer tapestry. Reluctant though I am to quote Margaret Thatcher I do agree with her assertion that the “No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.” The quadruple bottom line reflects this as people are coming to appreciating that being of service does not mean you need to be broke. The mantra of the quadruple bottom-liners is “we can do well by doing good.”

The importance of being of service has been emphasised by Tony Robins who lists contribution, along with certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection or love, and growth as the six human needs which must all be satisfied if we are to live a fulfilling life. 

Here are six ways that have helped me as I seek to live a life of service.

Part of the reason why a life of service is such a powerful force is that we are all connected – John Donne understood this, Jesus understood this when he said “Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto Me.” and Lao Tzu understood this in his conception of a force that flows through all life - The Tao. Poets and sages have long grasped the fact that there is no point at which the individual ends and the collective begins and physical, biological and social sciences are now catching up. In quantum physics Bell’s Theorem states that ‘entangled’ particles (those that once physically interacted when in close proximity) will somehow remain linked even if the physical distances between them are huge, implying that ‘communication’ is happening at speeds of greater than the speed of light. Less mystically ecology, systems theory and complexity science sees us as interconnected through a network of relationships so that the whole is more than simply the sum of the parts. 

Understanding that our individual ‘selves’ are merely abstractions from an interconnected reality helps us to empathise with ‘others’ because there are, in fact, no others. This helps when it comes to giving because giving is literally ‘self-service.’ Of course you cannot make an omelette without breaking an egg so not all interactions can be mutually beneficial. However, understanding that we are connected can at the very least prompt us to ensure that we do not over-exploit the resources upon which we depend and that we use free range eggs! This spirit of enlightened exploitation was eloquently expressed by Mufasa in Disney’s Lion King in his father-son conversation with young Simba:

• Mufasa: Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope. 
  
• Young Simba: But, Dad, don't we eat the antelope? 
  
• Mufasa: Yes, Simba but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.

We cannot just give at random and no one individual can constantly be available for the needs of the whole world. We are a drop in the ocean. But an ocean is made up of drops so if all of us can do our little bit then we can move mountains. But we need a clear focus if we are to contribute effectively to this mountain moving process. A personal vision and mission contribute to this focus and help us to prioritise the actions we need to take that will serve our vision and mission. A clear and compelling vision and mission makes it is easier for us to get out of bed every morning and do the right thing throughout our day.

There are many alternative definitions of vision and mission. For me a vision is something bigger than ourselves to which we can contribute. My favourite all time ‘vision statement’ is Martin Luther King’s 1963 ‘I have a dream’ speech’ in which he outlines his vision for equal rights and justice for Americans of all colours. 

King knew that he might not live to see his vision become a reality and that he alone could not make it happen but he could and did make a powerful contribution to the vision through his life and his work. This personal contribution was King’s mission. 

There are many ways to develop an empowering vision and mission that will help you to use your skills and aptitudes to do good while doing well. 

I have used a hybrid of several processes to develop my personal vision and mission which I regularly update in the light of experience.

This is my current vision and mission:

Vision
Project and programme planning and personal, professional and organisational development has been transformed through the use of flexible participatory approaches such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Outcome Mapping, and Appreciative Inquiry. People throughout the world are able to effectively plan, monitor and evaluate their efforts in a manner that reflects the complexity of the real world and respects our planetary life support systems. i.e. People can implement participatory approaches to adaptive management to achieve significant, meaningful and environmentally sustainable outcomes. The widespread adoption of organisational development approaches based on the principles of systems science and positive psychology contributes to a world in which people are happy, healthy, connected to their environment and feel increasingly abundant because they are in a position to fulfil their potential.
  
Misson
Which issues do you intend to tackle? 

• Professional development at the organisational and individual level – this includes strategic planning, organisational effectiveness, monitoring and evaluation of projects and programmes in countries in which English and French are used as the main professional languages.
  

How will you do address these issues? 

• By providing support to individuals and teams using a combination of conventional planning approaches, Appreciative Inquiry, Outcome Mapping, and NLP within a participatory framework through consultation either in person or via VoIP. I will also integrate these processes into a developmental evaluation approach to facilitate adaptive management.
  

Who can you work with? 

• Primarily with project personnel in the international development arena but the approaches that I use are also valuable in the private sector so I envisage becoming increasingly involved in cross-sectoral work. 
  

How will you stay effective, efficient, and relevant? 

• Reading, taking part in refresher courses, personal EFT, journalling, maintaining my blog and website, writing an e-book on project management, professional development and my heroes. I have the time and resources to relax and socialise with my family and friends and maintain my sense of awe by as I discover new places and rediscover old places with my wife on foot and by bicycle.

I have already touched upon the fact that doing something for others is actually self-service. One way in which we can promote this ‘selfish altruism’ in our daily lives is by prompting us to stay alert for actions from which everybody benefits (win-wins). Other things being equal win-wins are much more likely to be profitable in the long term and sustainable than actions through which one party gains at the other’s expense (win-lose).

We are used to competition in the sporting arena and for sport to be captivating there must be winners and losers. This assertion is supported by an observation that most people (particularly Americans in my experience) are perplexed by the game of cricket, in which a game can last for up to five days and still end up as a draw! Competition is also essential in life where resources are limited. However, in many cases it is possible to engineer outcomes that are mutually beneficial.

Chip and Dan Hill in their excellent book Decisive: How to make better Choices in Life and Work outline the W-R-A-P framework as a method of guarding against overconfidence and making knee-jerk reactions when making important decisions. These rapid responses can result in decisions which are motivated from the perspective of narrow self-interest. W-R-A-P is an acronym for Widen your options, Reality-test your assumptions, Attain distance before deciding and Prepare to be wrong.

Widening your options provides a rich hunting ground for win-wins. For example, instead of resigning if you are dissatisfied with your job you could examine the option of renegotiating your job description thus potentially helping yourself and your employer. Other examples of win-wins include profit sharing agreements between staff and business owners and customer loyalty bonuses.

Many win-win situations mean that no single group gets 100% of the benefits of an interaction. For example there is a trade-off (at least in the short term) between profit and donations to good causes. So in many cases we will need to compromise on our short term individual objectives, something that does not always come easy to people raised to be (narrowly) competitive. 

This need to get 100% of what we want, just like the need to be right and the need for recognition, is fuelled by the ego which shouts ‘what about me’ which tends to ensure that it’s demands come to mind first when we are at the negotiating table. The Hill brothers’ advice to attain distance before deciding and to prepare to be wrong helps to provide the time, space and feedback to overcome the strident ego to improve the chances of us placing successful long term collaboration above short term gain. 

Seamus from Family Guy is not alone when it comes to overpromising… and then backtracking when the rubber hits the road. Over-promising and its partner over-giving can lead to burn out and resentment. We habitually over-promise in international development when we design short duration projects with highly ambitious objectives such as “the removal of barriers to protected area management in Country X”, “the implementation of a viable coral reef management system in Country Y”, and “the establishment of the conditions for sustainable urban rehabilitation in Country Z”. Then we get upset when our colleagues take us to task for failing to deliver on our promises.

It is the same with training courses. Trainees invariably finish the course ready and eager to apply their new knowledge and skills to transform their lives and those around them. But upon re-entry our would-be World Changers are often faced with a less than enthusiastic reception from those back in mission control – the house needs cleaning, the kids need looking after and those deadlines are now even more urgent than they were when you left the everyday world behind. 

Simple stated, we cannot control all aspects of the environment in which our project operates nor what trainees actually do once the training course has been completed. So rather than promise the earth we can emphasise possibilities, and the fact that the project or training is only one among many factors that contribute to an outcome. This kind of bounded optimism – getting to maybe rather than getting to yes – is unlikely to resonate with those self-help gurus who ask us to eliminate words like “failure”, “doubt” and “impossible” from our vocabularies. But a diverse lexicon that permits different words in different contexts sits comfortably with somebody like me who recoils from fist-pumping, stage pyrotechnics and living my life to the accompaniment of anthemic rock music.   

Opinion is divided when it comes to the value of having heroes. Many people feel that putting anybody on a pedestal is a one way ticket to disappointment. But I believe that we can learn a great deal from people’s positive qualities while still being mindful to their imperfections. For me, a hero is an ordinary person who personifies specific virtues, and whose achievements in a particular sphere can inspire us to be the best that we can be in certain aspects of our lives. So I keep a heroes list to remind me of these qualities.

Some of my heroes who exemplify being of service are Franklin D. Roosevelt for his practical concern for the poor, Wangari Maathai the Kenyan environmental activist for her courage to confront authority, Dame Cecily the founder of the hospice movement who valued the dignity of all lives and Viktor Frankl a Nazi concentration camp survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning who emphasised giving to others as a means of transcending our day-to-day concerns. Having such role models allows me to ask the questions about what would Franklin, Maathai, Cecily or Frankl have done or advised me to do when faced with daily situations. For me it provides a valuable tool to tap into the collective psyche.

My heroes list currently stands at 111. It is steadily increasing although there is the occasional deletion. Lance Armstrong fell off the list a few years back, not because he no longer embodied certain heroic qualities but because it is hard for me to focus on these qualities in view of his years of lying and cheating. Perhaps I can ‘reinstate’ him once my abilities to forgive have matured.

Life is for living and to live it to the full you must become a participant. So the ultimate proof of being of service is how much you do to serve others and the best way to start is by doing something today. When embarking on a new habit it is best to start small and as outlined above, you don’t want to overpromise or over-give. 

Small acts of kindness can be incorporated into your daily life without too much difficulty. Thanking people for their help is about as simple as it gets but this small gesture can help brighten up people’s day. Little complements cost nothing but can touch people’s hearts. We are often quick to criticise but we sometimes forget to praise. 

I spend a lot of time in airports and have recently adopted a systematic approach to helping those weaker than myself take their luggage off the airport baggage carousel (I do give their luggage back to them by the way!!). It is a small helpful gesture that gives me a lot of pleasure and costs me absolutely nothing.

Whether it is being of service or any other sphere of life, you can’t steer a parked car. So get in gear, release the handbrake and get going.