In Monty Python’s Life of Brian, the eponymous hero exhorts the adoring Judean mob to think for themselves because “you are all individuals”. “We are all individuals” shout the mob in unison! Like the mob, we can easily ignore the fact that we all have different needs, aptitudes, inclinations and personalities as we follow the herd or try to mould others according to our preconceptions. I feel that it is imperative that we get to know ourselves as we make our way in the world so that we can grow to live in alignment with our unique disposition. There are a number of personality tests out there that can help us in this regard. I am a big fan of the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which is probably the best known of these instruments but, in my opinion, it is not simple to grasp without a fair bit of homework. A similarly powerful yet more intuitive and relatively straightforward schema is Tony Robbins’ six human needs framework. I have used this framework to understand my own aptitudes and those of the people I work with as part of a strengths-based approach to personal and organisational development.
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Tony Robbins has built on the work of John Burton and Abraham Maslow to develop human needs psychology. In essence, Robbins believes that everybody’s actions are driven by the need to fulfil one or more of six basic human needs. By definition, these are needs that we all share, but everybody is unique so we do not value all needs equally. Different people will emphasise different needs and this emphasis often shifts as we go through life.
The six fundamental human needs are as follows:

1. Certainty – that things will unfold as imagined.
2. Uncertainty – that life will serve up its share of variety.
3. Significance – the sense of being special or unique.
4. Love and connection – the feeling of togetherness or intimacy.
5. Growth – the feeling that we are making progress.
6. Contribution – that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. 

​I describe each of the needs in more detail below, including ways in which they can be met in healthy, neutral or unhealthy ways and some positive and negative personality traits that accompany each need.  I also provide details of a simple self-test that can be used to your pinpoint your human needs centre of gravity.

​Despite the exhortations of Bertrand Russell and Benjamin Franklin, everybody needs a level of certainty in their daily lives. If my next meal was not guaranteed I would probably not be writing this blog; if the ground beneath you started to shudder you would immediately stop reading this blog; and if heard that your significant other had been rushed to intensive care you would mostly likely drop everything and do whatever you could to try to help. All these situations threaten our sense of certainty, those things we take for granted that form the bedrock of our lives.

We all have the need for certainty but this need can be met in many different ways. Some feel they need a home to be certain, others need a million pounds to be certain, others may get their need for certainty by knowing that they always manage no matter what. We can meet our needs in positive, neutral or negative ways. For example, we can meet our need for certainty by feeling angry about world events which validates our belief system that the world sucks. Cigarettes, alcohol and drugs can be our faithful friends upon which we rely in times of struggle. Habitual actions like this meet our needs in the short term but have long term negative side-effects. We can meet our need for certainty by having faith in a something bigger than ourselves – God, the Universe, Nature, Justice, etc., or by exercising regularly or by a belief in our resourcefulness, all of which can be very positive ways of getting certain, assuming that our sense of certainty is not tainted by bigotry.
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People whose primary need is certainty are often highly organised, dependable and very knowledgeable in their chosen field. On the other hand, they can become stuck in their old routines, can be closed to new experiences, and may come across as unenthusiastic and boring.

​“Variety”, as the cliché goes, “is the spice of life” so a life of complete certainty hardly fires up the proverbial taste buds. Imagine you are a sports fan and you knew that your team was going to win every match and lift every single trophy they contested for the rest of your life. Initially, this would feel exhilarating but pretty soon you would begin to “tire of winning” to paraphrase a certain President Trump. So, we need a combination of certainty and uncertainty in our lives. Our need for both certainty and uncertainty explains why the standard Hollywood movie format is so popular and enduring. We are pretty certain that there will be a happy ending but we are uncertain about how the plot will unfold. We can get variety in positive ways such as by meeting new people, by taking on new challenges or by visiting new places. We can also meet this need in negative ways such as by taking new drugs, having multiple sexual encounters or by committing acts of violence.
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People whose primary need is uncertainty are often highly enthusiastic, spontaneous and love meeting new people and taking on new challenges. They can also be social butterflies flitting from person to person and relationship to relationship, become easily disillusioned, lose focus and quit before the job is done.

​The third human need is significance – that need to be, in José’s words, “a special one”. All of us want to be recognised for being special even if some of us protest this fact. One way to feel significant is by building something such as a business, a skill, a career, a philanthropic practice or a family. Another is by knocking down those who are trying to build something, either metaphorically through cynicism and negativity, or physically by attempting to damage or destroy people, property and nature. As Tony Robbins puts it “there are two ways to have the tallest building in town. One is work your ass off, take risks, build the tallest building. The other is, blow up everybody else’s building.” One path is easier, faster, cheaper and takes less intelligence. One is the path of the hero, the other is that of the victim. A third, and very common, way to feel significant is to have a significant problem. Problem sharing also builds connection. Some people are much more comfortable being around people who are feeling bad about themselves than being around people who are happy with their lives.

The need for significance has always been one of the main driving forces behind violence, mainly perpetrated by men. If a mugger puts a gun to your head they are certain that you will respond but uncertain of how and, in a heartbeat, they have become the most significant person in your life.

Although we all need significance, the need is usually greater in men than women. Men will die for significance which explains why almost all suicide bombers are men and why much greater numbers of men than women commit suicide when going through a financial crisis.

If we meet three of our needs in a single behaviour we may become addicted to that behaviour. Which explains why violence can become an addiction.
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People whose primary need is significance are often happy to take on leadership positions, will work hard to excel in their chosen field and can be fearless in the face of challenges. They can also be selfish and insensitive to the perspectives of others, and may neglect their nearest and dearest.

The fourth need is for love and connection. When we are afraid of love for fear of the pain of rejection, we settle for connection. Unless you are a highly developed soul, our hypothetical mugger is unlikely to be a recipient of our love as he puts a gun to our head, but he will be connected to us in the moment. So, violence can also meet the need for connection.

In a more everyday sense, when we are excited or agitated about something – we got that promotion, heard a juicy morsel of gossip, or experienced a life-changing event, what do we immediately want to do? Share the news with somebody. This is because we are social animals, even the most introverted among us.

Love and connection is often a dominant need in women. Men feel this too, but the bonds are innately stronger in the average women than the average man.
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People whose primary need is love and connection are often great team players, sensitive to the needs of others and supportive partners and parents. They can also be jealous, clingy and prone to neglecting their own legitimate needs.

The Greeks taught us that we are teleological beings, that is, we need targets – something ahead of us that we can aim for. We either grow or we shrink; staying still is not an option. Imagine you are perfectly content with your life as it is and you don’t want anything to change. Why is this an impossible dream? Because people become dissatisfied with stasis which is why retirement is a crisis for so many people. Unless they can invest themselves in a project, the newly retired person no longer has a goal that they are moving towards. This same phenomenon is exemplified in the numerous cases of Olympic gold medallists and other high level sports people who reach their goal only to fall into depression. It is pretty much universal that people are happy when they are making progress because it is the progress or growth that matters not the goal itself.

People whose primary need is growth are often great students and teachers, creative and innovative, and tenacious in pursuit of their goals. They also can become detached from others, intolerant of those perceived to be less accomplished, and prone to perfectionism.
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As a side note, perfectionism is widely thought to be a positive quality which it can be if it is defined as a commitment to high standards. However, if perfectionism means that everything we do always has to be all things to all people it becomes the lowest possible standard as we end up imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and everybody else. By this definition, perfectionism is a straightjacket and a sure fire way to succumb to a paralysing fear of failure which relegates us from a participant to a spectator in our game of life.

We all have a need to contribute, to step out of our own personal drama. Even young children feel a great sense of satisfaction when they contribute. There are countless examples of people being able to do much more in the service of others than one can do when serving only oneself – the meals we cook for ourselves are usually pretty uninspiring compared to those we serve up for others. An example from my life is doing everything I could to secure my children’s future when my wife was diagnosed with motor neurone disease – part love and connection, part contribution. On a grander scale, Nelson Mandela’s fortitude during his 27 years in captivity was bolstered by his vision of how he could contribute to a free South Africa. The secret to living is giving. How can you make this world a better place using your gifts and talents?

A focus on contribution is a great inoculation against the “Affluenza” virus , the obsession for wealth, fame, beauty, power and possessions that redirects our energies and passions away from meaningful pursuits.
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People whose primary need is contribution are often selfless leaders, inspirational speakers and are able to work tirelessly in pursuit of something they believe in. They can also be intolerant of other people’s perspectives, neglect their own physical and mental health and the needs of their family, and are prone to burnout.

Understanding our human needs helps us to know which needs we habitually meet, which needs are not being met, which needs we want more of, and conflicts and trade-offs between meeting some needs at the expense of others. This understanding also helps us in our relationships of all kinds as we become less judgemental by acquiring a fuller understanding of the factors that motivate other people’s aptitudes, attitudes and actions.

You can assess your human needs with this online test devised by Chloe Madanes who has worked extensively with Tony Robbins to advance the thinking in the field. The results include detailed information on how your primary need and top two needs can serve you or hold you back. You can take the same test in the old fashioned paper format by clicking on this link.
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For those of you who want to know, I scored highest in contribution closely followed by growth with significance and uncertainty tied for third place. love and connection a little behind, and certainty bringing up the rear. Like all self-assessments, the tacit assumption is that we know ourselves which is, of course, never 100% true but the simple test can give us a fair the forces that drive us.

All of you who are familiar with the Appreciative Inquiry approach to organisational, project and personal development will be aware of the following “Big Five” interlinked and overlapping principles that underpin the paradigm:

1. The Constructionist Principle (words create worlds) – the filters through which we interpret the world create our reality in other words the map is not the territory. These filters shape our language, communications and day to day interactions; so focusing on possibilities rather than limitations helps us to generate a better future.
   
2. The Simultaneity Principle (inquiry is an intervention) – systems move in the direction of the questions we most persistently ask and change happens from the moment we begin our inquiry; so consistently asking empowering questions plants the seeds of positive change.
   
3. The Poetic Principle (we author our own histories) – people interact and learn through stories, and like poems and books the narratives that shape our lives are open to different interpretations; so we can enhance the prospects for success by replacing the stale old narratives of stress, conflicts and shortcomings with stories of individuals, programmes and organisations at their best. 
   
4. The Anticipatory Principle (our expectations inspire our actions) – what we do today is guided by our expectations of the future; so developing a motivating vision will help imbue our present day actions with hope, excitement, joy and other uplifting emotions that contribute to peak performance.
   
5. The Positive Principle (positive images lead to positive actions) – positive emotions such as joy, compassion and empathy promote a resourceful mental state; so enhancing qualities like camaraderie, persistence, and resilience to setbacks will contribute to personal and organisation effectiveness.

These are indeed very powerful principles but to till now I have avoided explicitly referring to them when I have facilitated introductory Appreciative Inquiry workshops. Instead I have used the following five principles to set the scene:

1. Individuals give events their meaning
   
2. What you focus on expands
   
3. Words create worlds
   
4. We are programmed to pay attention to negative aspects of a situation
   
5. We can override our programming by exercising our “appreciative muscles”
   

An obvious reason for not using “The Big Five” is the urge to minimise jargon. There are only so many new things people can absorb at one sitting.  Three out of the five principles I use can be loosely translated into the Big Five anyway: individuals give events their meaning ≈ the Constructionist and Poetic Principles; what you focus on expands ≈ all of the big five; and words create worlds ≈ the Constructionist, Simultaneity and Poetic Principles.

What stands out like the proverbial sore thumb is my Principle No. 4 - We are programmed to pay attention to negative aspects of a situation. This does not conform to any of the principles I’ve seen in the AI literature. And without Principle 4 there is no need Principle 5, its antidote - We can override our programming by exercising our “appreciative muscles.” 

Given the fact that Principle 5 can neutralise Principle 4, what is the point of introducing Principle 4 in the first place? 

I believe that by highlighting the power of the negative we can provide a “safe space” in which to address those nagging doubts that many participants may harbour about AI. You know the sort of stuff that people feel and say – “this appreciative stuff is all very well but it won’t work in my [family, home, office, business, culture, country, etc.]”, “but sometimes we need to discuss bad stuff”, “I try to be positive but some things continue to wind me up” and most familiar of all “I’m not being negative, I’m just being realistic”.  All of the above are justified sentiments, and I think we ignore such sentiments at our peril. Discussing them provides us with a valuable means of facilitating a new way of thinking in a manner that acknowledges the tenacious grip that “old paradigm thinking” holds on our individual and collective psyche. This helps the trainee to understand that negative feelings are reasonable though not always rational and that AI is a powerful way of addressing an inherent negative bias.

Most people are accustomed to problem-based paradigms. If you don’t believe me just watch any news bulletin for more than about a minute, consult most elementary psychology textbooks and find the non-existent or miniscule section on happiness, or leaf through any dictionary and count the numbers of words that describe positive versus negative emotions - according to one study seventy-four percent of the total words in the English language that describe personality traits are negative. Given this background, there is likely to be a degree of cynicism and resistance when Appreciative Inquiry is first introduced. Principle 4 acknowledges that a negative bias is the default setting for most people and groups. 

Even as a “born optimist” I know that this to be true. As Dr Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness states “Our negative experiences stick to us like Velcro, while our positive experiences slide right off us like Teflon.” A typical example of this is my (internal) reaction to my children’s school grades. Even if most of the marks are high I am irresistibly drawn to the one or two lower grades. Of course as somebody versed in the art of “positive parenting” I would never give vent to the accompanying feelings of stress and urge to fix things but I feel these feelings nonetheless. Ok, if truth be told I probably do show these feelings more often than I should but at least I know that I shouldn’t!

But ‘gut reactions’ such as those I describe above are the norm and are very deeply rooted for good reason. They have helped us and our ancestors to survive when our “nasty, brutish and short” lives were frequently subject to mortal dangers. 

Why do we appear to be so irrationally negative? In a nutshell it is because of the evolutionary imperative to respond rapidly to danger – “survival mode” the familiar fight, flight or freeze response that allowed our ancestors to live long enough to become our ancestors. Nowadays the majority of us are not confronted by tigers as we go about our daily existence but our reactive response can be just as easily triggered by any number of “paper tigers” - perceived threats such as the audiences who question us, the bosses who appraise us, our offspring who disobey us, the spouse who ignores us, and even the anonymous drivers who disrespect us. Whether these perceptions are an accurate reflection of the intentions of these other people is immaterial. To paraphrase William Shakespeare’s Hamlet “there is nothing either stressful or not stressful, but thinking and feeling make it so.”

Survival mode is manifested by the following physiological changes among others: elevated levels of the stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol (to prepare us to deal with sudden danger), raised breathing rate and blood pressure (to pump more oxygen around our body), increased perspiration (to prevent overheating), increased blood sugar (to boost energy where it is most needed), a reduction in the production of growth and sex hormones, a weakening of the immune system and decreased blood circulation to the digestive tract (to maximise resources available to deal with the immediate threat) and increased size and stickiness of platelets (to heal any wounds that might occur). These are great responses when our lives are under threat. But they do not stand us in good stead in the modern world when it comes to undertaking constructive everyday actions such as making decisions, collaborating with others, recalling information or having balanced discussions.

Setting the scene in this way helps to emphasise the fact that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about our negative feelings - they are normal. I have always been a believer in the power of positive thinking but every silver lining has a cloud. My “positivity” has sometimes manifested itself as denial – a conscious effort to keep my subconscious mind and endocrine system in line (see my blog – Appreciative Inquiry - Denial by any other name. Denial of my own negative feelings could easily trap me in a double bind – feeling bad about some everyday thing and on top of that, feeling bad about the fact that I was feeling bad! An understanding of the evolutionary reasons for the reactive response can, at the very least, limit you to a single dose of bad feelings.

Highlighting the fact that a negative viewpoint is simply one way of seeing the world allows us to question its usefulness to us in our day-to-day lives. Does it make for a positive work and home environment? Does it empower? Does it inspire? The answer to all these questions is likely to be something like “not in most cases.” The next question that comes to mind is “how can we address redress our negative bias?” This provides a platform upon which we can introduce a few of the growing number of approaches that we can use to shift us to a more positive outlook. But won’t this compromise our ability to go into survival mode when we are actually faced with a life or death situation? Assuming that you are able-bodies,  you will do everything in your power to get out of the way as quickly as you can if are about to be run over by a bus, no matter how chilled out you most of the time. Millions of years of evolution will guarantee this even if you practice every positive thinking technique on the planet as long as you keep away from mind-altering drugs.

In my introductory workshops I have highlighted the following six ways in which we can override our programming by building our “appreciative muscles”:

1. Asking empowering questions
   
2. Practicing gratitude
   
3. Observing the thoughts and feelings that come to you
   
4. Cultivating stillness
   
5. Embracing uncertainty
   
6. Being of service

I examine each of these "muscle-building" approaches in my blog series on "Things I do… except when I don’t." ... (TIDEWID for short).

I find all six approaches to be valuable and mutually supportive but only Number One, asking empowering questions, as part of the Appreciative Interview, is from the “Regulation Appreciative Inquiry Practitioners Toolkit”. There are plenty of excellent resources out there on how to conduct appreciative interviews, over ninety of which are listed in the AI Commons Practice Tools webpage: Positive Questions and Interview Guides. I highlight some empowering question fundamentals in my blog posting – Ask Empowering Questions: What Albert Einstein and Jeremy Paxman taught me. 

My daily gratitude practice has helped me to appreciate the good times and to negotiate the inevitable tough times and I cannot recommend the practice too highly. I discuss the value of practising gratitude even for those situations which may appear to be unremittingly negative in my blog posting on the value of a daily gratitude practice - How I messed up my daily gratitude practice: Walking the tightrope between expressing appreciation and kidding ourselves. 

Observing the thoughts that come to you is a method that allows you to disengage from disempowering thoughts so avoiding becoming enmeshed in those familiar spirals of negative thinking. I learned the technique from NLP and hypnotherapy expert, life coach and “head fixer” Ali Campbell who has stated that it is the single most powerful exercise he has done to improve his life. I outline this simple process in my blog on Decoupling Runaway Trains of Thought.

There are endless ways of cultivating stillness but a technique I particularly like is “Sixteen Seconds to Bliss” which I have adapted from the work of meditation teacher extraordinaire Davidji. I summarise this simple but powerful tool in my blog: Cultivating Stillness – Control, Alt, Delete for your Bodymind.

Uncertainty pervades everybody’s lives and embracing it instead of fighting it helps allows us to view those inevitable “changes of a plan” as possibilities rather than roadblocks. In my blog posting – Embrace Uncertainty I outline some simple approaches I use for improving my relationship with uncertainty.   

The final way of building our “appreciative muscles I highlight in my introductory AI workshops is “being of service” – helping to make this world a better place. One rather dismal but widely held world view, a view upon which classical economics is founded, is that being selfish is in everybody’s best interest and it is competition alone that drives innovation and growth. This extreme form of social Darwinism ignores the fact that human beings must also collaborate to survive and thrive at every stage of their lives. To realise our full potential we must strive to be the best person we can be in the service of both ourselves and others. The universal truth of this viewpoint explains why we root for the heroes who fight for justice for all and against the villains who care only for their self-aggrandizement. I talk about how being of service can enhance your quality of life and outline ways in which you can maximise your contribution in my blog posting -  Being of Service:  Doing Well by doing Good.

I hope I have justified my “AI introduction with a negative twist.” Even if you disagree with the approach I hope that you will appreciate my intentions. The wonderful thing about the AI community is that it is a broad church with no concept of heresy; so nobody can ever be excommunicated! 

In my personal life I find Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping to be an excellent way of releasing negative emotions. Sometimes referred to as “psychological acupuncture”, EFT involves a sequence of gentle taps on acupuncture meridians or “tapping points” with your fingertips while talking through a particular issue of concern – a trauma, a phobia, a limiting belief or an ephemeral concern such as a looming deadline. I find that a few minutes of tapping rapidly reduces the intensity of my anxiety levels to near zero levels. 

The jury is out on how exactly EFT works but there is a growing of evidence of its effectiveness. I do, however, have to confess a certain degree of bias as my lovely wife Julie Mauremootoo is a certified EFT practitioner. For the moment incorporating EFT into an Appreciative Inquiry workshop is likely to be a bit too radical for most of the folks I work with. However, I do foresee a time when EFT is incorporated into mainstream organisational development. Remember, you heard it here first!

Appreciative Inquiry (AI) and its offshoot Appreciative Living are organisational and personal development paradigms that encourage inquiring about, learning from, and building upon what is working in order to facilitate positive change. The core of AI is the notion that what you focus on expands.

Pioneered by David Cooperrider and the late Suresh Srivastva of Case Western Reserve University in the late 1980s, AI has been attracting a growing following and its principles have been successfully applied to a diverse range of organisations including Nutrimental, Hunter Douglas, GTE, Red Cross, British Airways, the United Religions Initiative and the US Navy.  Appreciative Living is a programme that has adapted AI principles to personal development. Pioneered by Jackie Kelm, Appreciative Living now has registered practitioners in twelve countries.

One of the biggest criticism of AI is that it doesn't address the negatives; that it, is a form of problem-avoidance and denial. This notion can be illustrated by the following scenario: a participant returns from an AI meeting full of energy and enthusiasm only to encounter the unchanged negative “realities” of office politics, budget cuts, delays in programme implementation, and so on. The rose tinted specs are yanked off and AI is filed away as “nice but not for the real world”. In such a case either AI has been poorly facilitated or the participant was sleeping during some vital segments of the workshop. Because AI IS designed to address the negatives, but not in a way that negates the positive aspects that exist in every situation. AI cannot afford to ignore negatives because if a burning issue is not attended to it will inevitably come back to bite you!

Jackie Kelm paints the picture of our lives as a movie that constantly plays in front of us on an imaginary screen. This screen has a line going through the middle. On one side of the line are the positive things – talents, dreams, and creative ideas, to name a few. On the other side of the line are the negative things – fears, failures, weaknesses and so on.

So assuming that AI has been “done right”, will it produce a cohort of reality-denying Pollyannas? In Jackie Kelm’s words: 

The opposite is actually true. It may seem ironic, but spending time on the positive side gives you the courage, inspiration, and motivation to deal with the “bad stuff.” 

A well-facilitated AI workshop can help to start you off on this positive path but ultimately it takes persistent, purposeful practice to sustain the change.