- Published on
Why we need to overcome our negative bias and six ways to do it
All of you who are familiar with the Appreciative Inquiry approach to organisational, project and personal development will be aware of the following “Big Five” interlinked and overlapping principles that underpin the paradigm:
- The Constructionist Principle (words create worlds) – the filters through which we interpret the world create our reality in other words the map is not the territory. These filters shape our language, communications and day to day interactions; so focusing on possibilities rather than limitations helps us to generate a better future.
- The Simultaneity Principle (inquiry is an intervention) – systems move in the direction of the questions we most persistently ask and change happens from the moment we begin our inquiry; so consistently asking empowering questions plants the seeds of positive change.
- The Poetic Principle (we author our own histories) – people interact and learn through stories, and like poems and books the narratives that shape our lives are open to different interpretations; so we can enhance the prospects for success by replacing the stale old narratives of stress, conflicts and shortcomings with stories of individuals, programmes and organisations at their best.
- The Anticipatory Principle (our expectations inspire our actions) – what we do today is guided by our expectations of the future; so developing a motivating vision will help imbue our present day actions with hope, excitement, joy and other uplifting emotions that contribute to peak performance.
- The Positive Principle (positive images lead to positive actions) – positive emotions such as joy, compassion and empathy promote a resourceful mental state; so enhancing qualities like camaraderie, persistence, and resilience to setbacks will contribute to personal and organisation effectiveness.
- Individuals give events their meaning
- What you focus on expands
- Words create worlds
- We are programmed to pay attention to negative aspects of a situation
- We can override our programming by exercising our “appreciative muscles”
Why highlight the negative?
What stands out like the proverbial sore thumb is my Principle No. 4 - We are programmed to pay attention to negative aspects of a situation. This does not conform to any of the principles I’ve seen in the AI literature. And without Principle 4 there is no need Principle 5, its antidote - We can override our programming by exercising our “appreciative muscles.”
Given the fact that Principle 5 can neutralise Principle 4, what is the point of introducing Principle 4 in the first place?
I believe that by highlighting the power of the negative we can provide a “safe space” in which to address those nagging doubts that many participants may harbour about AI. You know the sort of stuff that people feel and say – “this appreciative stuff is all very well but it won’t work in my [family, home, office, business, culture, country, etc.]”, “but sometimes we need to discuss bad stuff”, “I try to be positive but some things continue to wind me up” and most familiar of all “I’m not being negative, I’m just being realistic”. All of the above are justified sentiments, and I think we ignore such sentiments at our peril. Discussing them provides us with a valuable means of facilitating a new way of thinking in a manner that acknowledges the tenacious grip that “old paradigm thinking” holds on our individual and collective psyche. This helps the trainee to understand that negative feelings are reasonable though not always rational and that AI is a powerful way of addressing an inherent negative bias.
Given the fact that Principle 5 can neutralise Principle 4, what is the point of introducing Principle 4 in the first place?
I believe that by highlighting the power of the negative we can provide a “safe space” in which to address those nagging doubts that many participants may harbour about AI. You know the sort of stuff that people feel and say – “this appreciative stuff is all very well but it won’t work in my [family, home, office, business, culture, country, etc.]”, “but sometimes we need to discuss bad stuff”, “I try to be positive but some things continue to wind me up” and most familiar of all “I’m not being negative, I’m just being realistic”. All of the above are justified sentiments, and I think we ignore such sentiments at our peril. Discussing them provides us with a valuable means of facilitating a new way of thinking in a manner that acknowledges the tenacious grip that “old paradigm thinking” holds on our individual and collective psyche. This helps the trainee to understand that negative feelings are reasonable though not always rational and that AI is a powerful way of addressing an inherent negative bias.
Velcro and Teflon
Most people are accustomed to problem-based paradigms. If you don’t believe me just watch any news bulletin for more than about a minute, consult most elementary psychology textbooks and find the non-existent or miniscule section on happiness, or leaf through any dictionary and count the numbers of words that describe positive versus negative emotions - according to one study seventy-four percent of the total words in the English language that describe personality traits are negative. Given this background, there is likely to be a degree of cynicism and resistance when Appreciative Inquiry is first introduced. Principle 4 acknowledges that a negative bias is the default setting for most people and groups.
Even as a “born optimist” I know that this to be true. As Dr Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness states “Our negative experiences stick to us like Velcro, while our positive experiences slide right off us like Teflon.” A typical example of this is my (internal) reaction to my children’s school grades. Even if most of the marks are high I am irresistibly drawn to the one or two lower grades. Of course as somebody versed in the art of “positive parenting” I would never give vent to the accompanying feelings of stress and urge to fix things but I feel these feelings nonetheless. Ok, if truth be told I probably do show these feelings more often than I should but at least I know that I shouldn’t!
But ‘gut reactions’ such as those I describe above are the norm and are very deeply rooted for good reason. They have helped us and our ancestors to survive when our “nasty, brutish and short” lives were frequently subject to mortal dangers.
Even as a “born optimist” I know that this to be true. As Dr Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness states “Our negative experiences stick to us like Velcro, while our positive experiences slide right off us like Teflon.” A typical example of this is my (internal) reaction to my children’s school grades. Even if most of the marks are high I am irresistibly drawn to the one or two lower grades. Of course as somebody versed in the art of “positive parenting” I would never give vent to the accompanying feelings of stress and urge to fix things but I feel these feelings nonetheless. Ok, if truth be told I probably do show these feelings more often than I should but at least I know that I shouldn’t!
But ‘gut reactions’ such as those I describe above are the norm and are very deeply rooted for good reason. They have helped us and our ancestors to survive when our “nasty, brutish and short” lives were frequently subject to mortal dangers.
Survival mode: keeps us alive - doesn’t help us to thrive
Why do we appear to be so irrationally negative? In a nutshell it is because of the evolutionary imperative to respond rapidly to danger – “survival mode” the familiar fight, flight or freeze response that allowed our ancestors to live long enough to become our ancestors. Nowadays the majority of us are not confronted by tigers as we go about our daily existence but our reactive response can be just as easily triggered by any number of “paper tigers” - perceived threats such as the audiences who question us, the bosses who appraise us, our offspring who disobey us, the spouse who ignores us, and even the anonymous drivers who disrespect us. Whether these perceptions are an accurate reflection of the intentions of these other people is immaterial. To paraphrase William Shakespeare’s Hamlet “there is nothing either stressful or not stressful, but thinking and feeling make it so.”
Survival mode is manifested by the following physiological changes among others: elevated levels of the stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol (to prepare us to deal with sudden danger), raised breathing rate and blood pressure (to pump more oxygen around our body), increased perspiration (to prevent overheating), increased blood sugar (to boost energy where it is most needed), a reduction in the production of growth and sex hormones, a weakening of the immune system and decreased blood circulation to the digestive tract (to maximise resources available to deal with the immediate threat) and increased size and stickiness of platelets (to heal any wounds that might occur). These are great responses when our lives are under threat. But they do not stand us in good stead in the modern world when it comes to undertaking constructive everyday actions such as making decisions, collaborating with others, recalling information or having balanced discussions.
Survival mode is manifested by the following physiological changes among others: elevated levels of the stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol (to prepare us to deal with sudden danger), raised breathing rate and blood pressure (to pump more oxygen around our body), increased perspiration (to prevent overheating), increased blood sugar (to boost energy where it is most needed), a reduction in the production of growth and sex hormones, a weakening of the immune system and decreased blood circulation to the digestive tract (to maximise resources available to deal with the immediate threat) and increased size and stickiness of platelets (to heal any wounds that might occur). These are great responses when our lives are under threat. But they do not stand us in good stead in the modern world when it comes to undertaking constructive everyday actions such as making decisions, collaborating with others, recalling information or having balanced discussions.
The Antidote: Principle 4 -We can override our programming by exercising our “appreciative muscles”
Setting the scene in this way helps to emphasise the fact that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about our negative feelings - they are normal. I have always been a believer in the power of positive thinking but every silver lining has a cloud. My “positivity” has sometimes manifested itself as denial – a conscious effort to keep my subconscious mind and endocrine system in line (see my blog – Appreciative Inquiry - Denial by any other name. Denial of my own negative feelings could easily trap me in a double bind – feeling bad about some everyday thing and on top of that, feeling bad about the fact that I was feeling bad! An understanding of the evolutionary reasons for the reactive response can, at the very least, limit you to a single dose of bad feelings.
Highlighting the fact that a negative viewpoint is simply one way of seeing the world allows us to question its usefulness to us in our day-to-day lives. Does it make for a positive work and home environment? Does it empower? Does it inspire? The answer to all these questions is likely to be something like “not in most cases.” The next question that comes to mind is “how can we address redress our negative bias?” This provides a platform upon which we can introduce a few of the growing number of approaches that we can use to shift us to a more positive outlook. But won’t this compromise our ability to go into survival mode when we are actually faced with a life or death situation? Assuming that you are able-bodies, you will do everything in your power to get out of the way as quickly as you can if are about to be run over by a bus, no matter how chilled out you most of the time. Millions of years of evolution will guarantee this even if you practice every positive thinking technique on the planet as long as you keep away from mind-altering drugs.
In my introductory workshops I have highlighted the following six ways in which we can override our programming by building our “appreciative muscles”:
I examine each of these "muscle-building" approaches in my blog series on "Things I do… except when I don’t." ... (TIDEWID for short).
Highlighting the fact that a negative viewpoint is simply one way of seeing the world allows us to question its usefulness to us in our day-to-day lives. Does it make for a positive work and home environment? Does it empower? Does it inspire? The answer to all these questions is likely to be something like “not in most cases.” The next question that comes to mind is “how can we address redress our negative bias?” This provides a platform upon which we can introduce a few of the growing number of approaches that we can use to shift us to a more positive outlook. But won’t this compromise our ability to go into survival mode when we are actually faced with a life or death situation? Assuming that you are able-bodies, you will do everything in your power to get out of the way as quickly as you can if are about to be run over by a bus, no matter how chilled out you most of the time. Millions of years of evolution will guarantee this even if you practice every positive thinking technique on the planet as long as you keep away from mind-altering drugs.
In my introductory workshops I have highlighted the following six ways in which we can override our programming by building our “appreciative muscles”:
- Asking empowering questions
- Practicing gratitude
- Observing the thoughts and feelings that come to you
- Cultivating stillness
- Embracing uncertainty
- Being of service
I examine each of these "muscle-building" approaches in my blog series on "Things I do… except when I don’t." ... (TIDEWID for short).
1. Asking empowering questions
I find all six approaches to be valuable and mutually supportive but only Number One, asking empowering questions, as part of the Appreciative Interview, is from the “Regulation Appreciative Inquiry Practitioners Toolkit”. There are plenty of excellent resources out there on how to conduct appreciative interviews, over ninety of which are listed in the AI Commons Practice Tools webpage: Positive Questions and Interview Guides. I highlight some empowering question fundamentals in my blog posting – Ask Empowering Questions: What Albert Einstein and Jeremy Paxman taught me.
2. Practicing gratitude
My daily gratitude practice has helped me to appreciate the good times and to negotiate the inevitable tough times and I cannot recommend the practice too highly. I discuss the value of practising gratitude even for those situations which may appear to be unremittingly negative in my blog posting on the value of a daily gratitude practice - How I messed up my daily gratitude practice: Walking the tightrope between expressing appreciation and kidding ourselves.
3. Observing the thoughts that come to you
Observing the thoughts that come to you is a method that allows you to disengage from disempowering thoughts, thereby avoiding becoming enmeshed in those familiar spirals of negative thinking. I learned the technique from NLP and hypnotherapy expert, life coach and “head fixer” Ali Campbell who has stated that it is the single most powerful exercise he has done to improve his life. I outline this simple process in my blog on Decoupling Runaway Trains of Thought.
4. Cultivating stillness
There are endless ways of cultivating stillness but a technique I particularly like is “Sixteen Seconds to Bliss” which I have adapted from the work of meditation teacher extraordinaire Davidji. I summarise this simple but powerful tool in my blog: Cultivating Stillness – Control, Alt, Delete for your Bodymind.
5. Embracing uncertainty
Uncertainty pervades everybody’s lives and embracing it instead of fighting it helps allows us to view those inevitable “changes of a plan” as possibilities rather than roadblocks. In my blog posting – Embrace Uncertainty I outline some simple approaches I use for improving my relationship with uncertainty.
6. Being of service
The final way of building our “appreciative muscles I highlight in my introductory AI workshops is “being of service” – helping to make this world a better place. One rather dismal but widely held world view, a view upon which classical economics is founded, is that being selfish is in everybody’s best interest and it is competition alone that drives innovation and growth. This extreme form of social Darwinism ignores the fact that human beings must also collaborate to survive and thrive at every stage of their lives. To realise our full potential we must strive to be the best person we can be in the service of both ourselves and others. The universal truth of this viewpoint explains why we root for the heroes who fight for justice for all and against the villains who care only for their self-aggrandizement. I talk about how being of service can enhance your quality of life and outline ways in which you can maximise your contribution in my blog posting - Being of Service: Doing Well by doing Good.
In Conclusion…
I hope I have justified my “AI introduction with a negative twist.” Even if you disagree with the approach I hope that you will appreciate my intentions. The wonderful thing about the AI community is that it is a broad church with no concept of heresy; so nobody can ever be excommunicated!
A little Postscript – EFT a seventh way to build your appreciative muscles
In my personal life, I find Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or Tapping, an excellent way to release negative emotions. Sometimes referred to as “psychological acupuncture”, EFT involves a sequence of gentle taps on acupuncture meridians or “tapping points” with your fingertips while talking through a particular issue of concern – a trauma, a phobia, a limiting belief or an ephemeral concern such as a looming deadline. I find that a few minutes of tapping rapidly reduces the intensity of my anxiety levels to near zero.
The jury is out on exactly how EFT works, but a growing body of evidence supports its effectiveness. I do, however, have to confess a certain degree of bias as my lovely wife Julie Mauremootoo is a certified EFT practitioner. For now, incorporating EFT into an Appreciative Inquiry workshop is likely to be a bit too radical for most of the folks I work with. However, I do foresee a time when EFT is incorporated into mainstream organisational development. Remember, you heard it here first!
- Published on
What Albert Einstein and Jeremy Paxman taught me
Way back in May 2002 I was fortunate enough to receive an international conservation award. As a ‘reward’ I was interviewed about my team’s work by the famous British political broadcaster Jeremy Paxman. After swiftly dispensing with the niceties, he grilled me about the merit of the conservation work I was doing. I cannot remember the actual questions Paxman asked but my interpretation was that he wanted to trap me into confessing that the ‘conservation’ work I claimed to be doing was merely a front for something sinister like drug dealing, money laundering or international terrorism. Perhaps my interpretations have become a little exaggerated by the mutating effect of time but, whatever the case, I was unprepared for his abrupt and aggressive tone. Face to face with the inquisitor, I froze like a rabbit in the headlights and retreated into platitudes rather than revealing any deep insights about my work.
Jeremy Paxman’s approach may have been effective in an adversarial arena where the objective is to expose half-truths but it was the bluntest of blunt instruments as a means of understanding the work I was doing. He lacked the empathy needed for situations where personal connection is more important than confrontation. Empowering questions – those that enhance connection and shared understanding, are the foundation of Appreciative Inquiry. Jeremy Paxman, no doubt, had many strengths but apparently, an appreciation of the value of the empowering question was not among them.
Jeremy Paxman’s approach may have been effective in an adversarial arena where the objective is to expose half-truths but it was the bluntest of blunt instruments as a means of understanding the work I was doing. He lacked the empathy needed for situations where personal connection is more important than confrontation. Empowering questions – those that enhance connection and shared understanding, are the foundation of Appreciative Inquiry. Jeremy Paxman, no doubt, had many strengths but apparently, an appreciation of the value of the empowering question was not among them.
The power of the question
We will never know the answer but I would imagine that Albert Einstein would have used a different approach if he were to interview me. Einstein was the master of the art of finding the empowering question – simply defined as a question that helps you to get more of what you want and less of what you don’t want. In Einstein’s case the ‘more’ was powerful theories that could explain much of the physical world and the ‘less’ was blind alleys.
The terms empowering question and appreciative inquiry are practically synonyms. The importance of empowering questions is enshrined in one of AI’s Big Five” principles, the Simultaneity Principle which states that inquiry is an intervention, systems move in the direction of the questions we most persistently ask, and change happens from the moment we begin our inquiry. In other words questions are extremely powerful so we need to make them count.
The terms empowering question and appreciative inquiry are practically synonyms. The importance of empowering questions is enshrined in one of AI’s Big Five” principles, the Simultaneity Principle which states that inquiry is an intervention, systems move in the direction of the questions we most persistently ask, and change happens from the moment we begin our inquiry. In other words questions are extremely powerful so we need to make them count.
Problematic questions
In project management we traditionally base our planning on the “problem statement” – all the stuff that is going wrong that our project intends to fix. I have written quite a few of these problem statements over the years and they tend to go something like this:
But projects are essentially human systems, albeit involving mechanical processes to some extent. Simply stated, people don’t behave like cars. The problem-based approach, by emphasising what is going wrong discounts everything that is going right. Any good work that is being done may end up being devalued or simply ignored. This can easily be interpreted as personal criticism of those that have been doing this good work in the system under consideration. And on the whole people don’t respond too well to personal criticism.
A “bright spots” approach, casting a spotlight on what is successful and why, helps to engender positive feelings and steer us towards the things that work. This can motivate us to ‘step up the stairs’, knowing that we are already part way along our journey. In contrast, focusing primarily on problems can paralyse us into ‘staring up the steps’ from a baseline situation that implicitly discounts any progress made to date.
- How do we tackle the issue of violence in our inner cities?
- How do we eliminate sexual harassment in the workplace?
- How can we reduce high staff turnover?
But projects are essentially human systems, albeit involving mechanical processes to some extent. Simply stated, people don’t behave like cars. The problem-based approach, by emphasising what is going wrong discounts everything that is going right. Any good work that is being done may end up being devalued or simply ignored. This can easily be interpreted as personal criticism of those that have been doing this good work in the system under consideration. And on the whole people don’t respond too well to personal criticism.
A “bright spots” approach, casting a spotlight on what is successful and why, helps to engender positive feelings and steer us towards the things that work. This can motivate us to ‘step up the stairs’, knowing that we are already part way along our journey. In contrast, focusing primarily on problems can paralyse us into ‘staring up the steps’ from a baseline situation that implicitly discounts any progress made to date.
Turn that frown upside down - The Appreciative interview
The whole AI process starts with the definition of an affirmative topic. Affirmative topics can be worded as questions such as:
- How do we ensure our inner cities are peaceful?
- How do we maintain a gender sensitive work environment?
- How do we maximise employee retention?
The appreciative interview usually covers the following areas: a positive experience relating to the issue under consideration, the feelings engendered by this experience, the actors and factors that contributed to this experience, the interviewee’s perceived strengths and those of the relevant entity (organisation, network, system, etc.) and their wishes which if granted could make their work and the relevant entity even more effective. The interview can be as long or short as necessary. Below are some commonly used appreciative interview questions:
1. Identify a time while you have been working with your organisation when you felt most effective.
3. What do you appreciate most about your organisation? In what ways does it excel?
4. Do you have three wishes that could help your organisation to become even more effective?
As you will have no doubt have noticed, the “three wishes question” gives the interviewee scope to be critical as ‘wishes’ clearly relate to something that is currently not quite as you would like it. But it does so in a positive context. Paradoxically, the AI process can be a very effective way of identifying gaps that needed to be addressed as it facilitates honest disclosure in a non-judgemental environment.
1. Identify a time while you have been working with your organisation when you felt most effective.
- Describe this experience. How did you feel?
- Who (inside and outside of your organisation) has helped and how to make this experience effective for you?
3. What do you appreciate most about your organisation? In what ways does it excel?
4. Do you have three wishes that could help your organisation to become even more effective?
As you will have no doubt have noticed, the “three wishes question” gives the interviewee scope to be critical as ‘wishes’ clearly relate to something that is currently not quite as you would like it. But it does so in a positive context. Paradoxically, the AI process can be a very effective way of identifying gaps that needed to be addressed as it facilitates honest disclosure in a non-judgemental environment.
Tips for asking empowering questions
There are many excellent guides on asking appreciative questions. Over ninety of these are listed in the AI Commons Practice Tools webpage: Positive Questions and Interview Guides. The due prominence given to the appreciative question is reflected in the titles of popular AI books such as Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of Your Team, and Positive Family Dynamics: Appreciative Inquiry Questions to Bring Out the Best in Families.
Here are some tips for asking empowering questions I have extracted from these resources and my personal experience:
Questions are precious so use them wisely – Carefully plan your interview so that all your questions are asked with a clear purpose in mind to optimise the process. Establishing rapport is an important objective so you may need to spend some time on questions that appear unimportant to those with a western perspective on efficiency.
Ask about what you want more of not what you want less of – Phrase questions positively as outlined in the section above on affirmative questions.
Listen actively and without preconceptions so that you can capture the person’s perspective.
Make the process personal to yourself and others. It is easier to imagine something when you can see yourself or people close to you being involved. Ask for personal experiences – “How did you feel when that happened?” “What gave you the strength to deal with that situation?” “What qualities did you observe in your team when you reached that milestone?” In this way you drill down to uncover inspirational stories and people relate to other people through stories.
Use sensory language - Ask questions that activate the imagination using sensory language – daring to dream and “how would you feel if you achieved your goal?” and “what would success look like” questions help to turn up your senses in high definition.
Be friendly not inquisitorial – One of the purposes of the interview is empowerment. It is not the Spanish Inquisition. I learned from my Jeremy Paxman experience that a wrathful question generates more heat than light.
Here are some tips for asking empowering questions I have extracted from these resources and my personal experience:
Questions are precious so use them wisely – Carefully plan your interview so that all your questions are asked with a clear purpose in mind to optimise the process. Establishing rapport is an important objective so you may need to spend some time on questions that appear unimportant to those with a western perspective on efficiency.
Ask about what you want more of not what you want less of – Phrase questions positively as outlined in the section above on affirmative questions.
Listen actively and without preconceptions so that you can capture the person’s perspective.
Make the process personal to yourself and others. It is easier to imagine something when you can see yourself or people close to you being involved. Ask for personal experiences – “How did you feel when that happened?” “What gave you the strength to deal with that situation?” “What qualities did you observe in your team when you reached that milestone?” In this way you drill down to uncover inspirational stories and people relate to other people through stories.
Use sensory language - Ask questions that activate the imagination using sensory language – daring to dream and “how would you feel if you achieved your goal?” and “what would success look like” questions help to turn up your senses in high definition.
Be friendly not inquisitorial – One of the purposes of the interview is empowerment. It is not the Spanish Inquisition. I learned from my Jeremy Paxman experience that a wrathful question generates more heat than light.
References
Dawn Cooperrider Dole, Jen Hetzel Silbert, and Ada Jo Mann (2008). Positive Family Dynamics: Appreciative Inquiry Questions to Bring Out the Best in Families Paperback. The Taos Institute Publications.
Diana Whitney, Amanda Trosten-Bloom, Jay Cherney and Ron Fry (2004). Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of Your Team. iUniverse, Inc. New York, Lincoln, Shanghai.
Tony Stoltzfus (2008). Coaching Questions: A Coach's Guide to Powerful Asking Skills. Pegasus Creative Arts.
Diana Whitney, Amanda Trosten-Bloom, Jay Cherney and Ron Fry (2004). Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of Your Team. iUniverse, Inc. New York, Lincoln, Shanghai.
Tony Stoltzfus (2008). Coaching Questions: A Coach's Guide to Powerful Asking Skills. Pegasus Creative Arts.
- Published on
How I messed up my daily gratitude practice: Walking the tightrope between expressing appreciation and kidding yourself
I hope that my confession can help others avoid my schoolboy error so that they can tap into the power of an appreciative mindset.
From Marcus Cicero to Marci Shimoff, countless thought leaders over many millennia have spoken of the power of gratitude. One way of cultivating Cicero’s “parent of all virtues” is a daily gratitude practice. There are a few variations on this theme but the practice essentially boils down to listing a number of things that you are grateful for each day. It is a tried and tested way of developing our “appreciative muscles” – creating new neural pathways and strengthening existing body-mind connections to change our perceptions; so that we see ourselves, others, and our world in a better light. Numerous studies have demonstrated the benefits of gratitude in terms of increased life expectancy, improved health and many other indicators of an enhanced quality of life.
Some people explain the power of gratitude in terms of the law of attraction – your thoughts acting as magnets for life experiences; while others focus on the role of gratitude in shifting people from an unresourceful to a resourceful mental and physical state. Imagine, for instance, that your boss is unable to attend a meeting and they ask you, at short notice, to deliver a presentation in their place. If you are grateful for the opportunity you will be much more likely to benefit from the meeting than if you are resentful for the extra work load imposed.
My wife Julie and I began our daily gratitude practice in April 2013 after Julie bought Jackie Kelm’s book, The Joy of Appreciative Living: Your 28-day Plan to Greater Happiness in 3 Incredibly Easy Steps. One of the steps is a daily gratitude practice in which you write down three things you are grateful for each day… Incredibly Easy???
Well... actually not very easy at all in my case. Pretty soon after starting the practice I was feeling considerably worse than I had felt before we had begun, which was obviously NOT the intended outcome!! Either something was wrong with the plan or the way in which I had been implementing it. Initially I was convinced that the plan was at fault but it soon became clear that I hadn't been doing it right.
When listing my three gratitudes I had been focusing solely on the obviously positive things – the weather is nice, our children are healthy, we have enough to eat, etc., etc. - typical motherhood and apple pie stuff. However, both Julie and I had subconsciously steered clear of the “hidden gifts” that dwell in life’s more challenging situations.
With each passing day I found myself smiling through gritted teeth as my feelings of dissatisfaction bubbled and churned beneath the surface. We were doing all this “appreciative” stuff but we were still massively in debt, my consultancy contracts had dried up and I was not in perfect health... but I felt that I couldn't talk about these subjects because that would be "unappreciative!" This culminated in me quitting the “charade” in a fit of petulance on Day 14 as I tried, and failed, to envisage my joy-filled life!! In one fell swoop I had consigned Appreciative Living to the “nice but not for me” category.
I have to confess that I had not actually read Jackie’s book at this stage and Julie had only skimmed it, focusing mainly on Part Two “what you need to do” and not on Part One “what you need to know.”
From Marcus Cicero to Marci Shimoff, countless thought leaders over many millennia have spoken of the power of gratitude. One way of cultivating Cicero’s “parent of all virtues” is a daily gratitude practice. There are a few variations on this theme but the practice essentially boils down to listing a number of things that you are grateful for each day. It is a tried and tested way of developing our “appreciative muscles” – creating new neural pathways and strengthening existing body-mind connections to change our perceptions; so that we see ourselves, others, and our world in a better light. Numerous studies have demonstrated the benefits of gratitude in terms of increased life expectancy, improved health and many other indicators of an enhanced quality of life.
Some people explain the power of gratitude in terms of the law of attraction – your thoughts acting as magnets for life experiences; while others focus on the role of gratitude in shifting people from an unresourceful to a resourceful mental and physical state. Imagine, for instance, that your boss is unable to attend a meeting and they ask you, at short notice, to deliver a presentation in their place. If you are grateful for the opportunity you will be much more likely to benefit from the meeting than if you are resentful for the extra work load imposed.
My wife Julie and I began our daily gratitude practice in April 2013 after Julie bought Jackie Kelm’s book, The Joy of Appreciative Living: Your 28-day Plan to Greater Happiness in 3 Incredibly Easy Steps. One of the steps is a daily gratitude practice in which you write down three things you are grateful for each day… Incredibly Easy???
Well... actually not very easy at all in my case. Pretty soon after starting the practice I was feeling considerably worse than I had felt before we had begun, which was obviously NOT the intended outcome!! Either something was wrong with the plan or the way in which I had been implementing it. Initially I was convinced that the plan was at fault but it soon became clear that I hadn't been doing it right.
When listing my three gratitudes I had been focusing solely on the obviously positive things – the weather is nice, our children are healthy, we have enough to eat, etc., etc. - typical motherhood and apple pie stuff. However, both Julie and I had subconsciously steered clear of the “hidden gifts” that dwell in life’s more challenging situations.
With each passing day I found myself smiling through gritted teeth as my feelings of dissatisfaction bubbled and churned beneath the surface. We were doing all this “appreciative” stuff but we were still massively in debt, my consultancy contracts had dried up and I was not in perfect health... but I felt that I couldn't talk about these subjects because that would be "unappreciative!" This culminated in me quitting the “charade” in a fit of petulance on Day 14 as I tried, and failed, to envisage my joy-filled life!! In one fell swoop I had consigned Appreciative Living to the “nice but not for me” category.
I have to confess that I had not actually read Jackie’s book at this stage and Julie had only skimmed it, focusing mainly on Part Two “what you need to do” and not on Part One “what you need to know.”
Following my tantrum, Julie read the book from cover to cover in order to gain a fuller understanding of what Appreciative Living was actually all about. I was a bit reluctant to follow suit but Julie gently persuaded me to give the process a “fair trial.”
In Part One Jackie explains, among other things, that every moment is replete with infinite possibilities and what we choose to focus on will become our experience – our map of reality. It was clear that gratitude actually means looking for the gifts in ALL situations; NOT drawing a veil over aspects of our lives that we wouldn't wish for in an ideal world - in other words not kidding ourselves.
Armed with our new understanding, we restarted the practice in May 2013 and looked for the joy in all situations. It was challenging at first, but with training our “appreciative muscles” progressively strengthened. Our daily gratitudes are now a firmly ingrained habit and they have helped to turn our lives around. We are now out of debt, my health is improving and I am being hired for lots of exciting work … much of it using the principles of Appreciative Inquiry, the organisational development paradigm that inspired Appreciative Living!!
The huge difference between gratitude and kidding ourselves was unclear to me back in April 2013 and my so-called “gratitude habit” actually ended up causing me more harm than good. Adopting an ostrich-like attitude to life’s challenges had left me vulnerable to some pretty powerful kicks in the rear end. But shining a light on the silver linings that dwell in every cloud, however small they appear to be at the time, has given me the strength to take action to deal with life's daily challenges as they arise rather than burying my head in the sand.
So while it is great to appreciate things when they are going well, the gratitude practice really comes into its own when it is used to address life's setbacks; because the excrement of life can then be turned into rich compost and used as the most potent of fertilizers for our growth.
In Part One Jackie explains, among other things, that every moment is replete with infinite possibilities and what we choose to focus on will become our experience – our map of reality. It was clear that gratitude actually means looking for the gifts in ALL situations; NOT drawing a veil over aspects of our lives that we wouldn't wish for in an ideal world - in other words not kidding ourselves.
Armed with our new understanding, we restarted the practice in May 2013 and looked for the joy in all situations. It was challenging at first, but with training our “appreciative muscles” progressively strengthened. Our daily gratitudes are now a firmly ingrained habit and they have helped to turn our lives around. We are now out of debt, my health is improving and I am being hired for lots of exciting work … much of it using the principles of Appreciative Inquiry, the organisational development paradigm that inspired Appreciative Living!!
The huge difference between gratitude and kidding ourselves was unclear to me back in April 2013 and my so-called “gratitude habit” actually ended up causing me more harm than good. Adopting an ostrich-like attitude to life’s challenges had left me vulnerable to some pretty powerful kicks in the rear end. But shining a light on the silver linings that dwell in every cloud, however small they appear to be at the time, has given me the strength to take action to deal with life's daily challenges as they arise rather than burying my head in the sand.
So while it is great to appreciate things when they are going well, the gratitude practice really comes into its own when it is used to address life's setbacks; because the excrement of life can then be turned into rich compost and used as the most potent of fertilizers for our growth.
Reference
Jackie Kelm (2008). The Joy of Appreciative Living: Your 28-Day Plan to Greater Happiness in 3 Incredibly Easy Steps. Tarcher/Penguin.
- Published on
So that we can sort the wheat from the chaff
Circular and repetitious trains of thought or jumping to confusions
Apparently we have between 50,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day, that’s one thought every 1.2 seconds, which is a lot of thoughts. But of these thoughts, only about 2,000 are unique - still a lot of thoughts but also evidence that we are masters of recycling. As far as I know there is no collective noun for thoughts. For what it’s worth I think of a group of linked thoughts as a “train.” Unfortunately, in many cases our metaphorical trains of thought run away out of control, travelling in endless, pointless and frustrating circles that do not help us get to where we want to go in life. We’ve all been there. Somebody looks at you… you think he doesn’t like you… that’s because you’re too fat… because you eat too much… because you’re a slob… you eat because you’re bored at work… and your boss hates you, because you’re too fat… and so the train keeps hurtling along that well-beaten track to nowhere.
I think therefore I have a thought: We are not slaves to our thoughts
Many people’s perception of the power of thoughts is encapsulated in the famous Descartes' quote “I think therefore I am.” If we consider our thoughts to be our identity then we surrender our control over the translation of thoughts into feelings leading to actions and ultimately outcomes and impacts, part of the chain identified by Emerson in the opening quote. Descartes’ famous dictum can be profoundly dangerous if we take it to mean that everything we ever think somehow reflects our deepest selves. Taken to its logical conclusion, this means that we must be a mass of contradictions as all people’s thoughts and mindsets sometimes scale the heights of nobility while at other times plummet into the depths of banality or worse. The incontrovertible fact is that we are NOT our thoughts – if we were how would it be possible for us to step back and observe these thoughts?
We observe our thoughts and let go of them much of the time because it is impossible to translate everything we think every day into feelings… there simply isn’t enough time. What I am proposing here is that we consciously cultivate our innate ability to observe our thoughts so that it becomes a habit that we can draw upon as and when we need it; thus enabling us to effectively decide which thoughts are useful to us and which ones can be discarded.
We observe our thoughts and let go of them much of the time because it is impossible to translate everything we think every day into feelings… there simply isn’t enough time. What I am proposing here is that we consciously cultivate our innate ability to observe our thoughts so that it becomes a habit that we can draw upon as and when we need it; thus enabling us to effectively decide which thoughts are useful to us and which ones can be discarded.
Decoupling your trains of thought – breaking the link between a thought and a feeling
One way of achieving this is a pre-emptive strike, is by “getting into the gap” between thinking and feeling. There are many ways of doing this; one of which I outline in my blog Cultivating Stillness – Control, Alt, Delete for your Bodymind. Another technique I find really helpful, and which I outline here, was introduced to me by from Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) expert, life coach and “head fixer” Ali Campbell. I call it decoupling your trains of thought.
Ali describes this form of meditation “for people who suck at enlightenment!” as the single most powerful exercise he has done to improve his life… That statement certainly made me sit up and listen as it comes from a man who has a deep understanding of a rich smorgasbord of life-changing techniques. Below is a summary of this simple but very powerful exercise.
When you first start doing this you will probably find that the thoughts come thick and fast. Ali Campbell likens it to a dam bursting and unleashing a torrent of thoughts. But over time you will find that the thoughts flow more slowly, as if you are sitting by a river bank observing the thoughts gently flowing by.
Once you have ingrained this practice into a habit you will know at the deepest level that you are not your thoughts. It is now clear that you are the observer of your thoughts. It is as if your thoughts are the trains that leave a busy station all night and all day. You are now free to decide which trains to take and when and where to take them. You no longer have to jump from train to train but are free to go where you want to go because you have the choice.
Ali describes this form of meditation “for people who suck at enlightenment!” as the single most powerful exercise he has done to improve his life… That statement certainly made me sit up and listen as it comes from a man who has a deep understanding of a rich smorgasbord of life-changing techniques. Below is a summary of this simple but very powerful exercise.
- First find a reasonably quiet place.
- Set a timer for five, ten or fifteen minutes.
- Close your eyes if it is safe to do so.
- Allow a thought to come to you as it surely will. Acknowledge it as a thought about a thing. For example, oh there’s a thought about washing the dishes, do not attach any meaning to this thought – there is nothing you can do about the situation at this time.
- Let this thought go, and another thought will come to mind.
- Acknowledge this thought as a thought about a thing and let it go.
- Keep with this process until your time is up.
When you first start doing this you will probably find that the thoughts come thick and fast. Ali Campbell likens it to a dam bursting and unleashing a torrent of thoughts. But over time you will find that the thoughts flow more slowly, as if you are sitting by a river bank observing the thoughts gently flowing by.
Once you have ingrained this practice into a habit you will know at the deepest level that you are not your thoughts. It is now clear that you are the observer of your thoughts. It is as if your thoughts are the trains that leave a busy station all night and all day. You are now free to decide which trains to take and when and where to take them. You no longer have to jump from train to train but are free to go where you want to go because you have the choice.
Reference
Ali Campbell (2010). A Caring Compassionate Kick up the Arse. Hay House.
- Published on
Control, Alt, Delete for your Bodymind
Surely nobody’s life is so frenetic that they can’t find just sixteen seconds a few times a day to recharge their batteries.
Rebooting your system
As detailed in the blog post Appreciative Inquiry and the Power of Negative Thinking… we are programmed by millions of years of evolution to go into fight or flight or “survival mode” when we feel that our emotional needs are not being met. One way to overcome this unresourceful state is to observe the thought. I outline a useful way of disengaging from your every thought in my blog post – Decoupling Runaway Trains of Thought.
Another way, which I will discuss here, is to remember to breathe! Of course all of you reading this blog have been successfully breathing for your entire lives so this advice may seem a little pointless. Of course I don’t mean breathing in just any old fashion; what I am referring to is conscious slow and deep breathing... a skill that most of us do not cultivate. Witnessing your breath provides a wonderful pattern interrupt so that you can step out of the drama and emerge with a new sense of clarity.
There are various breathing techniques that we can use for this emotional reboot. The simple practice I will describe here is based on the work of meditation teacher extraordinaire Davidji. He calls it Sixteen Seconds to Bliss. If 'Bliss' sounds a little New Age to you then feel free to call it Sixteen Seconds to Clarity. It is like a mini meditation for those who think that they cannot meditate or simply feel that they don’t have the time. Even those who do meditate every day can benefit from this short time-out when life’s day to day struggles appear to be overwhelming.
Another way, which I will discuss here, is to remember to breathe! Of course all of you reading this blog have been successfully breathing for your entire lives so this advice may seem a little pointless. Of course I don’t mean breathing in just any old fashion; what I am referring to is conscious slow and deep breathing... a skill that most of us do not cultivate. Witnessing your breath provides a wonderful pattern interrupt so that you can step out of the drama and emerge with a new sense of clarity.
There are various breathing techniques that we can use for this emotional reboot. The simple practice I will describe here is based on the work of meditation teacher extraordinaire Davidji. He calls it Sixteen Seconds to Bliss. If 'Bliss' sounds a little New Age to you then feel free to call it Sixteen Seconds to Clarity. It is like a mini meditation for those who think that they cannot meditate or simply feel that they don’t have the time. Even those who do meditate every day can benefit from this short time-out when life’s day to day struggles appear to be overwhelming.
Sixteen Seconds to Bliss
While this is a great technique to use in stressful situations, initially it is best to practice it when you are in a calm, relatively quiet space. In this way you can ingrain the habit so that it is available to you when you need it most.
All you need to do is follow these simple steps.
I doubt that you were able to maintain the stressful thought.
In only sixteen seconds you can reduce your blood pressure, slow your pulse rate, suppresses stress hormones, elevate your growth and sex hormone levels, and bolster your immune system; and when practised regularly the effects last considerably beyond those sixteen seconds. Once it becomes a habit you can use this simple tool inconspicuously during most stressful situations, enabling you to step back from chaos and into a resourceful state. Of course it will not always be safe or convenient to close your eyes but the open-eyed version is also very effective. This technique can be used during a toilet break to great effect but for us guys I don’t recommend it while standing in front of the urinals!
All you need to do is follow these simple steps.
- Close your eyes if it is safe to do so.
- Now try to think a stressful thought which I am sure is not too difficult for most of you.
- Then relax your tongue and rest it on the floor of your mouth. According to psychotherapist, integrative health-care specialist and author Dawson Church relaxing your tongue tells the body that you are safe so there is no reason to go into survival mode. I for one have been unable to hold on to stressful thoughts when my tongue is relaxed in this way.
- 0-4 seconds: Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose and from your belly to the count of four, placing your awareness on your breath as the air enters through your nostrils and slowly fills your lungs. Breathing through your nose enables you to breathe deeper than if you gulp air through your mouth.
- 5-8 seconds: Hold your breath to the count of four while remembering to keep your tongue loose and on the floor of your mouth.
- 9-12 seconds: Slowly and gently breathe out from you belly and through your nose to the count of four, continuing to observe your breath as it is released upwards and outwards.
- 13-16 seconds: Hold your breath to the count of four, all the while keeping your tongue relaxed.
- Return to regular breathing
I doubt that you were able to maintain the stressful thought.
In only sixteen seconds you can reduce your blood pressure, slow your pulse rate, suppresses stress hormones, elevate your growth and sex hormone levels, and bolster your immune system; and when practised regularly the effects last considerably beyond those sixteen seconds. Once it becomes a habit you can use this simple tool inconspicuously during most stressful situations, enabling you to step back from chaos and into a resourceful state. Of course it will not always be safe or convenient to close your eyes but the open-eyed version is also very effective. This technique can be used during a toilet break to great effect but for us guys I don’t recommend it while standing in front of the urinals!
Reference
Davidji. The Path to Bliss. Huffington Post Healthy Living (Accessed 7th February, 2014).
- Published on
In so many spheres of life we are expected to provide definite answers rather than nuanced responses. Politicians and preachers are experts in providing simple and clear solutions and this is what many people want to hear. Scientists don’t tend to talk in such a definitive manner.
The nuanced tone of the scientific community is nowhere better illustrated than in the arena of climate change. 97% of climate scientists agree that climate warming trends over the past century are very likely due to human activities (emphasis added). Very likely is strong wording in the language of complexity science and I passionately feel that we should act on something that could be catastrophic in its effects and is very likely to be happening right now. However, very likely is not the same as certain and as long as there is some room for doubt there will always be people and organisations who are willing to exploit uncertainty as a basis for denial, inaction or the dissemination of deliberately misleading information.
The fact is that uncertainty is the norm when addressing major questions such as how do we best combat terrorism?, how do we predict stock market performance? Is there one true God? Does God even exist? And which horse will win the 3:40 at Ascot? But our craving for certainty leaves us vulnerable to the charismatic pundits, priests and politicians who claim to have the definitive answers while we, the general public, lurch between competing certainties like some mortally wounded Shakespearian actor.
So, I am going to throw my two cents into the uncertainty arena with my answer to the issue of uncertainty. There is no answer to uncertainty. Uncertainty was, is and will be with us forever so we had better learn to live with it and see it as a mystery to be embraced rather than a problem to be solved. In this blog I briefly outline why uncertainty is actually a good thing and then introduce some of the perspectives I have adopted to help me to embrace uncertainty in my everyday life
Tony Robbins identifies six conditions which must all be satisfied if we are to live a fulfilling life. He calls them the six human needs. They are:
Ideally all these needs should be satisfied but different people focus to different extents on different needs according to their personalities and the situations in which they find themselves. With regard to certainty and uncertainty, those who value certainty above all else are often known as prudent if you are focusing on the positive or control freaks if you are focusing on the downside; while those who crave uncertainty are known as daring at best and reckless at worst.
In the context of Appreciative Inquiry I highlight the need to embrace uncertainty as one of six ways in which we can build our “appreciative muscles” in my blog Appreciative Inquiry and the Power of Negative Thinking. The reason I highlight the importance of this particular need is because uncertainty is ubiquitous, inevitable and increasing. The pace of change is growing with accelerating technological advances and globalisation. Slowly changing lifestyles and landscapes are becoming a thing of the past and our attitudes and behaviours need to adapt to this reality if we are to lead rounded and fulfilling lives.
Here are six ways that have helped me to embrace a life of uncertainty:
- Certainty. We need to know that some things in life are predictable. Among these are our basic physical needs like a roof over our heads and food in our bellies and our emotional needs like knowing that our loved ones will not dessert us at a moment’s notice.
- Uncertainty. There is a balance between our need for certainty and uncertainty. Theoretically we would like our favourite sports team to win all their matches but in reality this would soon become really boring. Variety is indeed the spice of life although of course we cannot live on spice alone.
- Significance. Everybody needs some kind of recognition for who they are and what they do. This can be achieved in diverse ways, for example through helping others, by excelling in sports, becoming highly educated or gaining notoriety. The latter route to significance illustrates that human needs are not always met in ways that are beneficial to the wider world.
- Connection or love. Humans are social beings and we need to bond with others. This helps us to belong and extends our sense of self into our social groups.
- Growth. Striving is a key component of human nature. In the absence of growth people tend to stagnate and regress rather than achieve a contented steady state. This need for growth goes a long way to explain why so many people become depressed when they retire.
- Contribution. Helping others and our planet feels good and expands our sense of self to include the communities to which we belong, the human race, other species and ultimately the planet which depends on us and upon which we depend.
Ideally all these needs should be satisfied but different people focus to different extents on different needs according to their personalities and the situations in which they find themselves. With regard to certainty and uncertainty, those who value certainty above all else are often known as prudent if you are focusing on the positive or control freaks if you are focusing on the downside; while those who crave uncertainty are known as daring at best and reckless at worst.
In the context of Appreciative Inquiry I highlight the need to embrace uncertainty as one of six ways in which we can build our “appreciative muscles” in my blog Appreciative Inquiry and the Power of Negative Thinking. The reason I highlight the importance of this particular need is because uncertainty is ubiquitous, inevitable and increasing. The pace of change is growing with accelerating technological advances and globalisation. Slowly changing lifestyles and landscapes are becoming a thing of the past and our attitudes and behaviours need to adapt to this reality if we are to lead rounded and fulfilling lives.
Here are six ways that have helped me to embrace a life of uncertainty:
1. Accept that change is inevitable and largely unpredictable
A simple way to illustrate the unpredictability of the future is to contrast the consistently poor track record of pundits (those who predict specific outcomes - otherwise known as gamblers) with the healthy profits made by those who exploit this fact (those who play the odds – otherwise known as bookies).
The following are a few nuggets from the plethora of famously flawed predictions made over the years. In 1876, Sir William Preece, the then Chief Engineer of the British Post Office, stated, “The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys.” At the time of writing, there are probably as many cellphones as people on our planet… but not a commensurately huge number of messenger boys. In 1943, Thomas J. Watson, the founder and long-serving CEO of IBM, stated: “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” The average UK university student owned five computers or computer-like devices in 2015. In 2004 Bill Gates confidently asserted that “Spam will be a thing of the past in two years’ time.” Yet nine years later, nearly 100 billion spam emails were sent... every day!!!
These predictions have been cherry-picked not only for the fact that they were massively inaccurate but also because they were made by people who were at the top of their game in their respective fields. My objective is not to lampoon Preece, Watson and Gates but to illustrate that much of the future is inherently unpredictable. I am sure that my predictions about telephones, computers and spam would have been no better if I had been in their shoes.
Who could have predicted the fact that South Korea would now have a per capita GDP that is fourteen times higher than that of Ghana when both nations’ per capita GDPs were $400 in 1957, the year Ghana became independent. Who could have predicted the legalisation of same-sex marriage in all 50 States of The USA by 2015 considering homosexuality was a criminal offence throughout the Union in 1961. And who could have predicted the rise of AFC Bournemouth from bankruptcy and rock bottom of the English Football League in 2008 to Premier League status in 2015.
However, all of these developments, apparently impossible in foresight can be readily explained in hindsight. This fact, allied to our poor memories, the excuses we readily make for our failed predictions and the existence of the odd lucky or incredibly insightful individuals who actually make the occasional correct prediction (the punditry equivalents of lottery winners) contribute to the phenomenon known as hindsight bias which tricks us into confusing the explicability of the past with the predictability of the future.
Hindsight bias is one reason we make plans as if the future were certain and get upset when things don't go according to plan. Planning becomes much simpler, and less frustrating, once we become aware of our poor predictive abilities in conditions of complexity. I outline ways of planning and managing projects and programmes under conditions of complexity in my Humble Project Management Toolkit talk. You can access it on YouTube.
The inevitability of change and its increasing rate, allied to our inability to accurately predict the future, means that it is ever more important that we embrace uncertainty and do not become trapped by rigid preconceptions based on over-confident predictions of the future.
2. Develop a compelling vision
Being flexible and adaptable is not the same as being infinitely malleable and having no clear sense of direction. Despite the fact that the future is not predictable, we still need to plan and have a system to help us navigate the choppy waters through which we travel.
An essential part of this navigation system is a compelling vision. There are many different and sometimes conflicting definitions of a vision. My definition (adapted from the Outcome Mapping approach to planning, monitoring and evaluation) is: A statement that reflects the large-scale changes to which you wish to contribute. It goes deeper than your personal objectives, is broader in scope, and is longer-term. The vision represents an ideal that you will support through your actions.
I have a Personal Vision Statement that I periodically update in the light of experience. It can be found in my blog Being of Service: Doing well by Doing Good.
Viktor Frankl, who is referred to in the opening quote, survived internment in four Nazi death camps, including Auschwitz, from 1942-45. His tenacious grip on life owed a great deal to his vision of humanity’s salvation through love and in love; a love he could access, even for a brief moment, when he contemplated the image of his wife.
The fact that Frankl’s why helped to keep him alive and hopeful in the midst of such deprivation shows the value of having a compelling vision through which you can find personal meaning in life, however dismal, confusing and unpredictable the circumstances may be.
3. Emphasise the journey above the destination
Our vision and objectives help to guide us but it is critical that we do not become attached to our intended outcomes above everything else. If we do so we run the risk of holding our happiness hostage to circumstances beyond our control. If we are fixated on an outcome we will tend to ignore, undervalue or marginalise unanticipated circumstances, events and outcomes as they unfold. In the words of evaluation guru Michael Quinn Patton, “being attentive along the journey is as important as, and critical to, arriving at a destination.”
Most of our time will be spent on the journey and not at the destination so it is critical that we enjoy the ride or at the very least appreciate the lessons learned from the (inevitable) segments of the journey that are challenging at best and tragic at worst. This emphasis on the journey helps you to ground yourself in the present, the world as you find it rather than the world as you would like it to be. This mindful foundation empowers you to respond effectively to a constantly shifting personal and business environment.
Tools to help keep you mindful along the journey include meditation (see my blogs Decoupling Runaway trains of thought and Cultivating Stillness) and a daily gratitude practice. Keeping a journal is another valuable tool. Journalling provides you with a safe place to vent. It also enhances your ability to reflect on events and reassess their meaning with the benefit of hindsight. Looking over my old journals tends to confirm H.G. Wells’s assertion that “The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow." Journalling also helps us to recall what we did and when we did it with more precision than our memory usually permits – which can be useful when reporting to our bosses or resolving a dispute. I must confess that my journal or ‘daily log’ is very basic and restricted to the date, the event, and what category that event falls under – home, project work, football result, etc. - all entered on an Excel spreadsheet. I like to keep details of my work and home events in the same file. I also record “contextual events” such as football results and world events to provide additional hooks to assist my recall. My Excel spreadsheet is hardly evocative of the leather-bound, gilt-edged diaries of yesteryear but it works just fine for me.
Most of our time will be spent on the journey and not at the destination so it is critical that we enjoy the ride or at the very least appreciate the lessons learned from the (inevitable) segments of the journey that are challenging at best and tragic at worst. This emphasis on the journey helps you to ground yourself in the present, the world as you find it rather than the world as you would like it to be. This mindful foundation empowers you to respond effectively to a constantly shifting personal and business environment.
Tools to help keep you mindful along the journey include meditation (see my blogs Decoupling Runaway trains of thought and Cultivating Stillness) and a daily gratitude practice. Keeping a journal is another valuable tool. Journalling provides you with a safe place to vent. It also enhances your ability to reflect on events and reassess their meaning with the benefit of hindsight. Looking over my old journals tends to confirm H.G. Wells’s assertion that “The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow." Journalling also helps us to recall what we did and when we did it with more precision than our memory usually permits – which can be useful when reporting to our bosses or resolving a dispute. I must confess that my journal or ‘daily log’ is very basic and restricted to the date, the event, and what category that event falls under – home, project work, football result, etc. - all entered on an Excel spreadsheet. I like to keep details of my work and home events in the same file. I also record “contextual events” such as football results and world events to provide additional hooks to assist my recall. My Excel spreadsheet is hardly evocative of the leather-bound, gilt-edged diaries of yesteryear but it works just fine for me.
4. Cultivate optimism tempered by hope
I am one of these annoying people who like to think they are a stickler for the correct terminology. If truth be told, I am a stickler for the correct use of the terminology that I am actually aware of and I have never taken much time to fathom the deep structures, rules and conventions of the English language. But I do know that the object in the wall that you plug your electric devices into is called a socket or a power point and not a plug. Perhaps I am overstating the case, but to me calling a socket a plug is analogous to calling a vagina a penis. And I wince when I hear people talk about there being less problems nowadays instead of the grammatically correct fewer problems (although I appreciate the sentiment behind the sentence in whatever way it is phrased).
To be honest, these distinctions are not really important as communication is all about shared meaning. Less trivial errors are those that lead to fundamental misunderstandings that can have serious consequences. A possible example is contained in the famous sentence from the US Declaration of Independence statement as drafted by Thomas Jefferson to read “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (emphasis added). Conventional wisdom equates the ‘pursuit’ of happiness with searching for or chasing after happiness. The implication is that you must chase after a lot of stuff in order to be happy. Taken to its extreme, the pursuit of happiness has been treated as being synonymous with the pursuit of wealth. However, there is a school of thought that believes that Jefferson was using the word ‘pursuit’ to mean an activity that you perform regularly or something you make a habit of. So if the latter interpretation is correct, Jefferson was exhorting the American people to practice happiness not to chase after it. It may seem like semantics but the implications of the two interpretations are profound.
An important error, that only recently came to my attention, is the interchangeable use of the terms ‘hope’ and ‘optimism’ which could explain why optimists can be annoying while hope is often the more palatable virtue.
Optimism and hope are closely related but they are not exactly the same thing. As Vaclav Havel implies, optimism is the conviction that will turn out well regardless of the situation. I happen to be an optimist of the incorrigible variety and do believe that positives can be found in even the most tragic of circumstances. However, I appreciate that not everybody thinks this and a (perhaps) more common view in the midst of difficult situations is that things could turn out well but they are not good now. There is a time dimension to this viewpoint. Things may turn out well but only after many years of struggling and, in my cosmology, many lives of hardship.
Telling somebody that things are perfect when they have just lost their job, gone through a painful divorce or suffered a bereavement is not tactful and does not demonstrate a great deal of empathy. It is not surprising that people often rail against optimists because the truth is that bad things will continue to happen. If we deny this reality we risk suffocating those who are already suffering from a setback with a set of platitudes from the entire ‘Optimism Family’ – Incorrigible, Blind and Deluded. And we optimists wonder why our smiling faces are not always welcome when there’s grieving to be done, and that people turn their back on this ‘positive stuff’ when the going gets tough.
Havel’s definition of hope accepts the reality that bad things will keep happening but that the resilience of the human condition can transcend these tragedies. In the words of David Henderson of the Center for Courage and Renewal “Hope will go toe-to-toe with reality because of a heart that simply refuses to quit. And there is no reality that can overcome the capacity of the human heart to withstand and even to ask boldly, Is that all you got? Is that the best you can do? My heart and the hearts of these people here with me are way bigger than that.”
So while I remain an optimist, which is a valuable trait in the face of uncertainty, I strongly believe that hope should also be cultivated so that tragedy is given its proper due.
To be honest, these distinctions are not really important as communication is all about shared meaning. Less trivial errors are those that lead to fundamental misunderstandings that can have serious consequences. A possible example is contained in the famous sentence from the US Declaration of Independence statement as drafted by Thomas Jefferson to read “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (emphasis added). Conventional wisdom equates the ‘pursuit’ of happiness with searching for or chasing after happiness. The implication is that you must chase after a lot of stuff in order to be happy. Taken to its extreme, the pursuit of happiness has been treated as being synonymous with the pursuit of wealth. However, there is a school of thought that believes that Jefferson was using the word ‘pursuit’ to mean an activity that you perform regularly or something you make a habit of. So if the latter interpretation is correct, Jefferson was exhorting the American people to practice happiness not to chase after it. It may seem like semantics but the implications of the two interpretations are profound.
An important error, that only recently came to my attention, is the interchangeable use of the terms ‘hope’ and ‘optimism’ which could explain why optimists can be annoying while hope is often the more palatable virtue.
Optimism and hope are closely related but they are not exactly the same thing. As Vaclav Havel implies, optimism is the conviction that will turn out well regardless of the situation. I happen to be an optimist of the incorrigible variety and do believe that positives can be found in even the most tragic of circumstances. However, I appreciate that not everybody thinks this and a (perhaps) more common view in the midst of difficult situations is that things could turn out well but they are not good now. There is a time dimension to this viewpoint. Things may turn out well but only after many years of struggling and, in my cosmology, many lives of hardship.
Telling somebody that things are perfect when they have just lost their job, gone through a painful divorce or suffered a bereavement is not tactful and does not demonstrate a great deal of empathy. It is not surprising that people often rail against optimists because the truth is that bad things will continue to happen. If we deny this reality we risk suffocating those who are already suffering from a setback with a set of platitudes from the entire ‘Optimism Family’ – Incorrigible, Blind and Deluded. And we optimists wonder why our smiling faces are not always welcome when there’s grieving to be done, and that people turn their back on this ‘positive stuff’ when the going gets tough.
Havel’s definition of hope accepts the reality that bad things will keep happening but that the resilience of the human condition can transcend these tragedies. In the words of David Henderson of the Center for Courage and Renewal “Hope will go toe-to-toe with reality because of a heart that simply refuses to quit. And there is no reality that can overcome the capacity of the human heart to withstand and even to ask boldly, Is that all you got? Is that the best you can do? My heart and the hearts of these people here with me are way bigger than that.”
So while I remain an optimist, which is a valuable trait in the face of uncertainty, I strongly believe that hope should also be cultivated so that tragedy is given its proper due.
5. Abandon perfectionism
I was brought up with the idea that perfectionism was a virtue. I would proudly proclaim that I was a perfectionist in job interviews, which probably explains my poor success rate in job interviews. At work I would agonise over every word in a report or every data point on a graph, checking and rechecking to ensure that I got everything right. In the meantime deadlines came and went, and by the time I finally submitted my report (which was always far from perfect in my opinion) it was often of scant value because much of its content had ceased to be relevant.
As these perfectionism-related pitfalls persisted it slowly began to dawn on me perfectionism is a trap. Firstly perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and my perfect may be somebody else’s second best. Secondly perfect is not always appropriate. I found out about the 80/20 rule as applied to productivity – that 80% of your results come from 20% of your effort and the closer that you get to 100% the harder things become. And in many situations 80% or thereabouts might be good enough because the definition of quality is “fitness for purpose” not perfection. The bald truth is that perfectionists are unproductive. Despite these lessons it was still possible for me to “cheat” by working harder so that I would often go beyond ‘fit for purpose’ by putting in the ‘extra mile’ during evenings and weekends so I could (apparently) be efficient while approaching ‘perfection.’ This is not a recipe for a contented family life.
I finally realised the folly of my ways when it dawned upon me that attaining perfection is an impossibility, because perfection does not actually exist beyond very narrow domains such as quizzes or examinations. I am somewhat ashamed that I was well into my fifth decade when I came to this simple but profound realisation. Having trained and practised as an evolutionary biologist I knew intellectually that natural selection does produce perfectly adapted species for many reasons including the fact that the landscape is always shifting. For example, the largest and strongest lion may be the best adapted when food is plentiful but his body size could be a handicap when food is scarce. And so it is in our work and personal lives - there are always trade-offs.
Freeing yourself from the shackles of perfectionism is a way to embrace uncertainty as it liberates you from producing elaborate and excessively detailed plans when faced with complex situations though it should be used as an excuse for shoddy planning in predictable situations when a blueprint model is appropriate.
As these perfectionism-related pitfalls persisted it slowly began to dawn on me perfectionism is a trap. Firstly perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and my perfect may be somebody else’s second best. Secondly perfect is not always appropriate. I found out about the 80/20 rule as applied to productivity – that 80% of your results come from 20% of your effort and the closer that you get to 100% the harder things become. And in many situations 80% or thereabouts might be good enough because the definition of quality is “fitness for purpose” not perfection. The bald truth is that perfectionists are unproductive. Despite these lessons it was still possible for me to “cheat” by working harder so that I would often go beyond ‘fit for purpose’ by putting in the ‘extra mile’ during evenings and weekends so I could (apparently) be efficient while approaching ‘perfection.’ This is not a recipe for a contented family life.
I finally realised the folly of my ways when it dawned upon me that attaining perfection is an impossibility, because perfection does not actually exist beyond very narrow domains such as quizzes or examinations. I am somewhat ashamed that I was well into my fifth decade when I came to this simple but profound realisation. Having trained and practised as an evolutionary biologist I knew intellectually that natural selection does produce perfectly adapted species for many reasons including the fact that the landscape is always shifting. For example, the largest and strongest lion may be the best adapted when food is plentiful but his body size could be a handicap when food is scarce. And so it is in our work and personal lives - there are always trade-offs.
Freeing yourself from the shackles of perfectionism is a way to embrace uncertainty as it liberates you from producing elaborate and excessively detailed plans when faced with complex situations though it should be used as an excuse for shoddy planning in predictable situations when a blueprint model is appropriate.
6. Don’t watch the news
Crime in England and Wales fell to a new record low in 2015, average life expectancy in Africa is at its highest levels in recorded history and worldwide it is the most peaceful time in our species’ existence (Pinker, 2011). So why does it feel like we are going to hell in a handbasket? I think that modern day news media and the fact that we consume it so uncritically bears a fair share of responsibility for this widespread perception.
Many people suggest that the news media should cover more positive stories. I agree with this perspective to some extent and pioneers like positivenews.org are helping to redress the news media’s negative bias. However, news by its very nature is sudden, dramatic and eye-catching and violent events such as a terrorist attacks, are inherently more newsworthy than incremental improvements such as the near elimination of smallpox from the planet. The understandable negative preference of the news media combined with our own negative programming (see my blog Appreciative Inquiry and the Power of Negative Thinking), and the fact that anybody with a cellphone and an Internet connection can be a news reporter helps to create an impression that we are embedded in a milieu of near-constant turmoil. The fact that most news reports concern situations over which we have very little influence contributes to our sense of insignificance.
So what has all this got to do with embracing uncertainty? Many experiments have shown that willpower is a limited resource and negativity is one of the best ways to exhaust your willpower. If our senses are regularly assailed by tales of murder, disease, corruption, natural disasters and deprivation it is easily to view even day-to-day uncertainties as a source of stress against which we are impotent. And when we are short on willpower we lack creativity and resourcefulness and readily retreat into anger, apathy and cynicism. The good news is that the same global connectivity that serves up a diet of doom and despair is also a source of hope and empowerment – the story of Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani schoolgirl who stood up to the Taliban and the youngest ever Nobel Peace Laureate has spread around the world like wildfire, ideas once only available to an elite are disseminated to millions courtesy of TED Talks and people all over the world are getting access to the best teachers in the world thanks to free online learning resources.
Becoming an active forager for information rather than a passive recipient helps us to achieve a resourceful state in which we can embrace uncertainty, not as something to be feared but as a source of our own empowerment.